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Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Smoke gets in your eyes

Im not smoking my usual brand at the moment these are lower in tar its the most Ive come close trying to quit and as I enjoy them too much to muster appropriate willpower I hear Mr Hicks and Mr Learys comedy routines in my head - Im glad to a certain extent that no one posts on my blog because Id get lectures so Ive included the excerpt of routines

It is hard to quit smoking. Every one of them looks pretty good to me right now. Every cigarette looks like it was made by God, rolled by Jesus and moistened shut with Claudia Schiffer's pussy right now. I smoke. If this bothers anyone, I recommend you look around the world in which we live, and … I don't know, shutting your fucking mouth?Let me tell you a little secret here ;Non-smokers die every day. Sleep tight!
See, I know you entertain some kind of eternal life fantasy because you've chosen not to smoke; let me be the first to pop that fucking bubble and send you hurtling back to reality – because you're dead too. And you know what doctors say: "Shit, if only you'd smoked, we'd have the technology to help you. It's you people dying from nothing who are screwedTo my delight, I find that there is a different warning on each pack of cigarettes. Mine says: "Warning: Smoking can cause fetal damage or premature birth." Fuck it – I've found my brand! "Yeah, give me a carton of Low Birth Weights." Just don't get the ones that say lung cancer, you know? Shop around. It is your body.Dennis Leary It doesn't matter how big the warnings on the cigarettes are; you could have a black pack, with a skull and crossbones on the front, called TUMORS, and smokers would be around the block going, "I can't wait to get my hands on these fucking things!


Stucco said...

Heyya Judith- nice blog here. I'm not sure about there, but here smokes are taxed presumably to offset the eventual medical bills that they beget, but then these collected taxes seem to get applied to our "wars" and such. I smoked for a spell in my youth and noticed that it has something similar to living in a downtown area- black boogers. I've never been to your part of the world, but I'm inclined to think that you smoking there is on balance similar to a health nut living in El Paso. Part-per-million, you know?

As for Hicks and Leary, Hicks was taken too soon and Leary's likely to have a thrombo any time, but both were/are mighty damned funny.

slaghammer said...

Your worst enemies are the ex-smokers. They live with an unnatural hatred that rivals "jilted lover syndrome" and "betrayed by a parent sydrome" in unbridled fury. I myself was deeply involved with the "legal weed" for decades. I gave it all of my love and devotion and it loved me back with equal intensity. It betrayed me in the end. If tobacco had testicles, I kick them often and repeatedly. I'm jealous of the love that you still share with it. But take my word for it, don't ever take your eyes off of it, or it will betray you as it did me.

Cornealius said...

My issue with smoking is not the health or the cost or the smell. The reason i dont smoke is that id feel like i where being coned. A company has you paying £3 a day or so to feel temporily as relaxed as a non-smoker feels all the time..... but smoking does look very cool

Judith said...

Stucco I must say what a wonderful mustache, why its of professor fate class! Bill was taken from us far far too soon I often wonder what he would have made of George Bush and the iraq/9/11 situation the man could have changed the world!
I felt your pain for the ghost of your lost love but you know tobacco its a veritable whore and a good one at that and we smokers are still willing to pay outrageous prices for her tricks.
Smoking does look cool but I will not smoke on the streets hypocritical as it seems I think its not very lady like to see a woman smoke. I will however smoke in a bar , one which has tom waits playing on a piano, the bar flies wear trilbys with press tickets in them as they slump over their drinks and I look as cool as ava gardner :)