About Me

My photo
! Cant impart too much information as I would have to kill you with my bare hands

Thursday, January 26, 2006

back to the drawing board

My Sister tells me theres a professional draughtsmans table coming my way over the weekend - its a case of not enough hours in the day really but Ill gladly relieve her of it- I mean where am I going to get time to write and Illustrate as well as trying to contain the demons in my house? All this talent eh? he he Im sure when I get writers block it will be a welcome distraction creative wise and if it prooves to be more of a distraction well then 2 good things can come from it - I can 'create' the characters that are giving me the writers block and the other means Ill have a lot more pictures in my house.. It will be fun squeezing it in as it is we have a writing beureau, HUGE computer desk , double bed as well as other bits in our room.. if it doesnt fit we'll have to sleep on the window cill its either that or I sell the kids on the internet - buy one get one free! Ahh sure theyre young enough - they couldnt be that attached and whats the saying about kids being resiliant?? (BTW only kidding social services!!)

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

RaNdOm qUeStIoN

Ive just been updating my profile here when these random questions came up and for some reason wouldnt save my answer so here it is even if it is a shit story - something I didnt have to think to hard about and you'll see the proof
Random Question:The children are waiting! Please tell them the story about the bald frog with the wig:
Come children gather by the fire and hear tales of worlds of wonder , giants ,castles , goblins and things that go bump in the night this story is for the younger children who must go to bed as soon as its told - to the older children Ive got a dvd of the exorcist - directors cut... So where were we ? Ah Yes Once upon a time there was a bald frog, he was not always bald (as most of you think thats the given with frogs ) and its not everyday you hear tale of hairy frog and to be fair was ostricised from the frog community because of his hairiness - outcast as a freak in his amphibian society he found solice in the pond in the grounds of the palace -where he lived there for a considerable amount of time until he met up with a princess , the woman responsible for the undoing of this waved and coiffed creature until he became bald . the bald frog wore a wig to cover up the fact he had been a victim of alopecia since ' the gold ball' incident - the princess was high maintenence and fickle thus causing a stressful lifestyle for aforesaid frog with the tooing and the froing from poolside to the pawnshop (an inevitability with the dense pondweed and visability factory, balls got lost more often ) the frogs hair fell out by the webfull and was reduced from a follicly herculean frog to moby look alike , the frog proud of his uniqueness from his amphibian counterparts decided to go and get himself a wig, not for vanity you understand only because he felt his identity lay within the fact that it was what made him the frog he was today ahh yes the frog stared adversity in the face one more time and left the palace pond for good opting for the more bohemien lifestyle and cultural village a few miles down the road - moral of the story? Anyone asks you to consistantly fetch gold balls from a pond or find you a public eyesore in your enviornment- tell them to go and fuck off.Ps Just incase you where wondering the frogs wig is black and purple dreads since getting involved with the goth and metal scene

Monday, January 23, 2006

Mr Hicks To you lot!

Bill Hicks- the greatest comedian the 21st century has ever produced!he was and remains incomparable in his field those foolish enough to compare him to other stand ups do not have the intelligence to distinguish plagarist vultures that are mere facets of a pro establishment fascist conspiracy. Hicks embodies everything against all that. Spilling honesty in every performance he gave. He didn't give a shit what anyone else thought and was never afraid to speak his mind -. buy his cds dvds - gather up all your friends loved ones etc supply and bring C class drugs and listen to the man testify

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

25 more useless facts

I have never broken a bone
Another of my animal phobias are Kondo dragons - vile filthy beasts
I never had a knick name at school
My first concert was Nick Kershaw -thing is I didn’t ask to see him my brother and sister went and my mum figured I would be wild with jealousy if I didn’t go so she got me a ticket
My teenage idol was Billy Idol if you will pardon the pun
I won a fancy dress competition when I was seven dressed up as a ‘punk’ but my recollection of the judges laughter and my mothers telling I was dressed more like a prostitute rather than an anti capitalist angry youth of the late 70s
I can play guitar but would love to play piano or cello - piano because of tom waits and Michael nyman and cello having seen truly madly deeply
I think Alan Rickman has great charisma
I really hate chick flicks
My longest relationship which is ongoing is 5 years
I smoke a lot
I believe if we all questioned authority with the spirit of Bill Hicks in our hearts the world would be a better place
I have no time for triskaidaphobists
Or people that cant spell it J
I have a fear of dying due to my weight which is why I am doing something about it now
Id love to produce childrens books with the same appeal of JK Rowling
I think most people don't take enough responsiblity for their own actions.
I have a lot of "hermit" tendencies and I do not like crowds especially when shopping.
My second daughter and I nearly died when I was having a caesarean
Ì cannot abide religious extremists be they, Christians , Muslim etc
If I had to pick my overall feel good movie would be ‘Amelie’
Eventually (and I hope not in my childrens lifetime) I believe religious beliefs /Americas egotistical greed will be responsible for a third world war
Although I love my children to death would have at least liked another year or two of being irresponsible feckless disposable income earning git with more time than sense on my hands
Id rather die being known as the crazy lady in the spooky house than being an anonymous old bird that no one knew they where dead
If I knew I was going to die on a specific date Id write a stand up comic routine for my wake on my views and life etc

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Part I - J facts

1. My eyes change colour from green to blue.
2. One of my middle names is Pious (what in gods green was my mother thinking)
3. I used to go on ghost hunts way before most haunted became popular
4. I have nine scars, 3 on my left hand, one on my chin, 2 from sections, one from invisible ink, one from barbed wire and the other from kiss chasing
5 My favourite drink is cold bulmers in a hot pub
6 My Favourite drink at home is red wine
7 Im a true scorpio
8 I don’t believe in horoscopes but believe in archetypes
9 Am a member of the Bram Stoker Clan
10 I once got a coffin for my birthday
11 My first memory is of my mum and brother falling on top of me
12 Im allergic to kiwis
13 I have a dead little finger that does not bend (hence one of the scars)
14 I have a fear of falling down stairs
15 I have 7 piercing in one ear and none in the other
16 I have a huge collection of tim burton figures which is bordering on fanatical
17 I will rummage in car boots for my magpie collection even though dignity is on sale in those places
18 I have a phobia of blue bottles
19 I love white knuckle rides
20 I pride myself on warner brother quotes
21 My Favourite vegetables are onions and red peppers
22 I hate celery and Aniseed
23 I nearly drowned when I was eight
24 I hate straight coffee ; makes me gag but I can drink cappuccinos
25 I was 25 when I first fell in love

Someones Looking down on her

Last night Id rather not remember - Eibhe started choking on foil from a sweet wrapper and jesus was it touch and go. And Id rather not recant the tale.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Nightime and its auditor

According to my 'superior' calander monday the 9th of January's words of wisdom are; sometimes even to live is an act of courage' - My act of valor these days seem to be retaining some semblence of cognitive thought without me falling out of my standing with sleep. My slumbering starfish where in with me last night when their dad travelled to the uk and with rivers of nose jam and their inabilities to clear their throats and noses makes it a melee in the bed for comfortable positions thus mama ended up sleeping horizontally at the foot of the bed , legs dangling over the side in constant persuit from her slumberering youngest.

Anyway ryan came home 16 hours later than planned, skipped a gig he was supposed to film and we ended up watching paul mc kennas ' I will make you thin' which I remain sceptical about but sound advice in it - during the course of the show Ryan ordered some food which we where laughing about for ages but for both of us it was a very early night as mr sandmand had a stash of special gear of the 'taser gun ' variety for us.

Friday, January 6, 2006

Ringing in the changes ( of knickers)

New Year's resolutions - the conventional idea that serves to give us illusions of better health, lifestyle and psyche to lull us into the false premise that we will actually reap some dividend if we remain stoic with conviction.. I made some and intend to keep them and the mass echos me Im sure.. Some are cliched but all are necessary. first off my weight. I intend to loose double what I lost 4 years ago which has been hampered by finding a partner and being indulgent, then having 2 babies, I intend to sort this albatross thats been around my neck for all of my life and know that 2006 will be my life changing year. The second will be my money spinner book which will probably wrote under a nom de plume.. We shall see..

The festive period was huge nightmare, It involved basically having my house look like a bomb site for most of it, the tree wasnt put up until a day or two before christmas eve and we reclaimed our bedroom by moving into the forgetting room although it still doesnt stop luci from coming in and saying 'boppy mama' at half 3 in the morning but we havent been able to sort out the necessitys like bags upon bags of clothes (which will lead me to a tale in a moment) Ryan has some children from a previous relationship and he went to fetch them in england in all of the madness and thus ensured the escalation to new levels upon their arrival. Luci and Eibhe are in their element with their brother and sisters and having great fun (bless them they will be at such loose ends when they all leave tomorrow) and to top it off I had ryans mum, brother , pregnant wife, and three children on new years day for dinner - I have never cooked for 13 people in my life on my own especially when you have 2 vegetarians and a picky little brat, a horde of children running up and down stairs and blinded with sweat cooking now my place aint bijou but its not a fuckin aircraft hanger either how how I kept my reason and sanity was beyond me!!

Anyway bless my morbid hindsight to buy halloween partyware cheaply in november because all the kids got their dinner on that I was not washing up 8 plates and 13 dessert bowls for man nor beast that day it was bad enough with the pots and the pans and cutlery never mind after the adults plates. They descended on me at 10am in the morning when I was in the middle of cooking pancakes for the clutch for breakfast and I was fucking wild with frustration already knowing that we all had slept in until 9 and they would arrive any moment.. the rest of the day was spent at the sink , changing bums and a inundated with requests for drinks, sweets and a tantrum from ryans niece because I had no crisps in the house at this stage anger was one letter short of danger..
My condenser drier was on the blink over the holidays and still is so a rather strange event happened - since my mum had half my drying and the other is somewhere in bags my underwear was in severe depletion and coming to work the other day I had to wear a pair of ryans boxers If I got hit by a car I would have been found with a pair of homer boxer shorts on me with 'just because I dont care doesnt mean I dont understand - woohoo!' Lovely... Mind you I did find them really comfortable - and I mean really comfortable - What the victorian women endured with corsettery was compensated in roomy undercarrige bloomers which I can only akin them to .. Safe to say Im back in the old regulation knickers again but you never know I could be wohooing it again with homer on a rainy comfy night !!

Im so looking forward to getting the place back to normal and my girls back to the routines its all very well them giggling and having a ball but it comes at a price too -many times Ive been tearful having scolded them for being too hyper and in the evening they are not getting asleep until half ten and strangely I feel terrible for not being able to give them the attention they are used to but thats me as they dont want to know me as they are having too much fun waddling around. Last night ryan took the kids to see king kong and it was great to play 'caves' with a duvet on the floor with the girls which only involves the 3 of us sitting under the duvet and them smiling at me with 'isnt this great?' expressions on their faces when I whisper to the girls and they whisper back to me this continues until the air quality reaches new lows and have to come up for air incase we get the bends down under laughing.

I felt like I havent slept properly for a month even now I feel my eyes heavy with sleep.. What I would give to just snuggle down in a layered bed with brushed cotton sheets, howling wind outside - small things eh?