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! Cant impart too much information as I would have to kill you with my bare hands

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Smoke gets in your eyes

Im not smoking my usual brand at the moment these are lower in tar its the most Ive come close trying to quit and as I enjoy them too much to muster appropriate willpower I hear Mr Hicks and Mr Learys comedy routines in my head - Im glad to a certain extent that no one posts on my blog because Id get lectures so Ive included the excerpt of routines

It is hard to quit smoking. Every one of them looks pretty good to me right now. Every cigarette looks like it was made by God, rolled by Jesus and moistened shut with Claudia Schiffer's pussy right now. I smoke. If this bothers anyone, I recommend you look around the world in which we live, and … I don't know, shutting your fucking mouth?Let me tell you a little secret here ;Non-smokers die every day. Sleep tight!
See, I know you entertain some kind of eternal life fantasy because you've chosen not to smoke; let me be the first to pop that fucking bubble and send you hurtling back to reality – because you're dead too. And you know what doctors say: "Shit, if only you'd smoked, we'd have the technology to help you. It's you people dying from nothing who are screwedTo my delight, I find that there is a different warning on each pack of cigarettes. Mine says: "Warning: Smoking can cause fetal damage or premature birth." Fuck it – I've found my brand! "Yeah, give me a carton of Low Birth Weights." Just don't get the ones that say lung cancer, you know? Shop around. It is your body.Dennis Leary It doesn't matter how big the warnings on the cigarettes are; you could have a black pack, with a skull and crossbones on the front, called TUMORS, and smokers would be around the block going, "I can't wait to get my hands on these fucking things!

Feline Foe

According to the disneys aristocats song *everybody wants to be a cat because a cats the only cat who knows where its at*

Two things

Not everyone wants to be cat - Count me to be first in the que for that badge

A cat does know where its at - These are the slyest most selfish animals ever and the annoy the fuck out of me, coming up looking for a rub and rewarding you with a purr to give you that feel good factor but the minute they have had their fill of you they bugger off and no amount of coaxing will win them back and if you piss them off or over do the coaxing they will scratch you, and their owners think ahh its just his nature yet if a dog did it the poor fucker would be put to sleep. Aside from having no affinity with the feline fiends I am also allegeric to them so not only is it my mind that detests them my genetic make up too can not tolerate them. I make no secret of the fact of this ever growing hatred in my heart for them and although I would not willingly harm them They know where they stand with me.

Monday, September 25, 2006


Ive never been a fan of any religious dogma- I dont know what exactly I would pigeon hole my beliefs as but one thing is for sure with the events that took place over the weekend the catholic church shook my family to the core and enraged the majority of them. There was no priest available for my aunts funeral mass, her grieving family where made wait a full 45 minites whilst people rang frantically neighbouring parish's for an available priest. The priest who eventually turned up was embarressed and did apologise but it went on deaf ears, if the shock of having your mother, wife , sister, aunt, gran, torn from you in the matter of a week and then not having the basic rites as a catholic to have a priest preside over your internment ... there were no words. I had to look at my cousin having to be held down on the pew by his sisters, I cannot imagine the pure incandescent rage he must have felt and neither wanted to ask him about it after the funeral- it was obvious. For whatever reason the priest who was supposed to perform the ceremony didnt turn up the only one would have been acceptable would have been the skypilots own personal albeit horrific death. There were whispers that the priest forgot - bet the bleeder wouldnt have forgot if it was a wedding he was doing with a free meal and a few quid in his pocket. Mum said if anything ever happened to her like that she would want us to take the coffin out of the church and be buried without a priest. I would do it gladly and Id throw a match over my shoulder as I left with her.

Friday, September 22, 2006

Death In the Family

My dads sister died suddenly from cancer yesterday. My Dad is heartbroken and its shattering to seem him so.

Monday, September 18, 2006

Birthdays and Teenaged Boys Dreams

It was Eibhes second birthday on Sunday, we didnt go all out like Lucis, primarily because Mum was in hospital and it wouldnt have been the same without here so it was a quite affair ( ?) Wil, my brother brought over a keyboard with a mic stand and stool, there was absolute bedlam, with Luci crying 'please sister please' through hoarse snuffled cries and then Eibhe screaming and crying with absolute despair as we took it temporally away for the situation to calm down. Anyway I made dinner (a roast beef dinner worthy of a marriage proposal) and a slow tick of visitors for the birthday girl came and went. For Eibhes main present we got her a bouncy castle which is about 6x6 and damn near takes up half the sitting room, with no pump provided , Ryan and I nearly burst a lung each blowing it up, but it was worth that christmas day magic smile when they entered the room to find this mysterious fun house that appeared from no where in all its blown up glory. I got a great kick out of telling my sister the night before just as I was finishing our telephone conversation that I had to get going as I had a big blow job lined up for the night to hear her splutter was just heaven and how I cackled at her reaction!

Later on whilst channel hopping and to fill an hour before ryans wrestling PPV came on we watched a bit of 'the descent' or was it the cave - dunno either way it was crap from what I remember falling in and out of sleep, the parts I did wake up to were fairly gory and gruesome which didnt frighten me (for I am made of sterner stuff *she bellows*) but indeed planted the seeds for the dreams that teenage boys should be having (of the derring do variety not of the wet variety) Simply I was part of a terrorist training squad and in part of the training we where sent into this building which could only be described as dismemberment central - it housed an array of psychotic murderers and it was dark and dismembered bodies including childrens lay strewn around the building which looked uncannily like the chelsea hotel in new york. Anyway the mission was to find our target terrorist amidst the murderers waiting in the eves - of course this was a virtual reality training with a bio suit which allowed you to 'feel' everything from a hand clawing at you or squeezing through a small space (yes My dreams are the made from the stuff hollywood can only wish for) - to cut a long story short having 'contained the terrorist' and the mission completed (with a big shoot out at the end as you would expect) myself and my other comrades switched off our realistic/futuristic virtual reality suits and made our way out to the training cloakroom to disrobe when a malfunction happens and the virtual reality becomes a reality in some mad computer/twilight zone way and we are really fighting for our lives and not so much 'training'.. I woke up feeling like there was some sweat soaked teenage boy shooting out of his bed having dreamt of screaming children and a keyboard. Maybe I did high jack someone elses dream last night. And in most ways would have made for a better movie then the one we watched last night..

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Odd Conversations

It was a strange brew of a day, with the time in the morning passing like a slow dripping tap and when my boss came in it went into the usual paranoia frenzy of how he thinks everyone is out to close him down and by christmas he will sell the lot of it off..Listening to this day in day out is small wonder why I have psoriasis and it seems to flare up at the end of the day - it was particularly sore yesterday and I had different dressings on which seemed to burn rather than comfort me so on the way home jumped into a taxi where I had the oddest of conversations, firstly the guy started singing a garth brooks tune to me and I felt like saying listen Im paying you to drive not to fucking embaress both you and I here, so he asked me what I thought of Ronan Keating doing the cover version and we debated why his sucess has been scuppered in comparison to Robbie Williams, Initially my first reaction was because hes another manufactured talentless wanker but judging from the taxi drivers 'trendy magazine' look thought he might be a fan and decided to debate about the marketing comparisons of both , for want of a better word, stars and proceeded to make valid points on how anyone can be as famous as Robbie Williams with the right personality and marketing. Then the taxi driver asked me if I was a journalist or a writer because of the way I spoke, I didnt know what way to take it, was it a compliment coming from someone intelligent and articualte or was he simply not used to that level of vocabulary in his taxi? Anyhoo, turns out the taxi driver is a hairdresser (macho type - not the usual archetype one would expect his sex to be in the hair fashion industry) and tells me he is launching a big hairdressing school on the web this week. When I got home and he turned off the clock he kept me talking for a good ten minutes, I gave him some suggestions about his website and he thought one was a cracking idea and waived the fare. It still was very odd conversation because I never thought someone would ask me if I was a writer or journalist on the basis of my opinion on someone like Ronan Keating but my advice to anyone who listens to him is clearly stated on the picture pasted with this entry..

Friday, September 8, 2006

Something for the Weekend?

Spent a good chunk of my time on the net reading a few blogs and because Im in beta now cant comment on the majority of them.. Tits! I really wanted to comment on the anticrapilist one who slagged of the barry scott commercial for cillit bang, turns out this market created personality has his own blog and get this links his in with paul daniels??? The net is so uninspiring at times..
Mam is getting her second hip replacement next week but is going into hospital today for the weekend to get all her tests etc before she goes under the knife shes more aprehensive about it now because this time she knows whats ahead ..
I hope to catch up on some serious sleep over the weekend , planning just to go to bed early and get some organising to the house.. I have the new Nick Cave dvd the proposition to watch so thats something to look forward to..

Oi Burton Ive a bone to pick with you!...

I feel a bit hard done by really - one could argue it was my own greed others might say its just marketing but heres the problem.. in 1996 I started to buy Nightmare Before Christmas figures and toys etc Each week I went to forbidden Planet in Dublin would spend a geeks wages on the stuff with 2 objectives 1 I had just moved into my flat which was devoid of Cool stuff having had to pair down my worldly belongings having moved back from the UK 2 I reasoned my exorbitant spending was purely investment - I mean in years to come they would be worth something for my unborn children back then. So years rolled by and with the rise of Marilyn Manson and the surge of the 'goth' scene the merchandise just kept on growing and growing and there are hundreds of jack skellington items and such and I feel like I was naive but none the less disappointed - Having seen every little weekend goth in a hoodie with nightmare on it or walking into FP to see a whole wall devoted to it pisses me off no end and I cant help but think Tim Burton is turning into a cash whore about his creations - I mean Corpse Bride was chronic I have to say, I think Disney seen the success with Nightmare and decided him to flog the proverbial no pun intended dead horse, and asked him to bend over so they could get him to give them another cash cow on the dividends that Nightmare gave. Now one could argue that I was part of this pyramid but really if I had the foresight of where the merchandise's direction was going I wouldn't have bought them or rather as much of them and invested my money in something else in movie genre collectibles that more or less had only a limited shelf life. Hind sight is a wonderful thing but I'm still fucked off when I see the little goth kids thinking they are cool with the nightmare hoodies etc Yes I'm elitist in my own dark little world..

Uncertain smiles

Music has an evocative power second only to that of smell. This morning on my headphones I was taken back to whatever was going on in my life at the time I discovered this album- I was about 16, my favorite track then was heartland it was such a political two fingered statement to the tory cabinet back then and is incredibly relevant today since New Labour have turned out to be pretty much the same as the 80s Tories, I think the songs are still relevant even with sweet bird of truth. It was a wonderful timewarp of that carefree mentality of youth when you only started questioning certain things within the system - having said that its not a hugely political album theres a fair sprinkling of raw sex in there too which make strange familiar bedfellows to politics anyway. This album along with Soul Mining is pretty much must haves for us 80s teens who had a conscience but liked a shag too LOL

Thursday, September 7, 2006

When in Rome..

This is blogger beta now, seems likely theres a big switch over on the horizon and slowly but surely one by one everyone will be on the Beta version ahh well when in Rome. To be honest Im just test driving this post, typical of me really Im the type never to look at an instruction book and more of a 'give it here' sort.. So far nothing looks drastically different , but you never know I could click a button here and a small farm in Drumshambo will blow up such is my luck with the techy landmines of some programmes - we shall see as they say.. We'll save the thought provoking debate and life changing views for the next post - now lets get this bugger up and see what its good for.

Wednesday, September 6, 2006

The Course of True Love..

I think theres a bad moon rising- everyone seems to be in a bad humour.. I thought this morning coming into work would be ok, it was my boss's birthday and as I was helping him with his online tutorials actually managed to get him on line and arrange a date and last night was the night to meet... Turns out his date turned out to be a big burly prison screw, just my luck , I couldnt get him Ms average even, as he was telling me it took every fibre in my being to contain my brewing belly laugh, turns out this woman had a bit of a tom sellick on her face too, he was in awful form as he was all geared up to whisk her away for a weekend of debauchery. My Boss, never one to mince words summed up the lady in six words 'nice girl, bit of a lesbian..' And as it was his birthday and he's estranged from his family so far all I want to do is mutter' calm blue ocean' incessantly and when I get out of here I have to hope my other half is out of his mardy arsed mood too. Im no good for these frying pan / fire situations it has a domino effect on me they can thank my children for their existence or else I would be cracking skulls right now..

Tuesday, September 5, 2006

while you where away..

things you may need to catch up on ...
the goldfish died (we where on our second set)
ryan started his buisness
luci turned 3
ryan turned 33
Ive been in hospital twice with Eibhe
Ive been made an aunt for the first time by my new nephew Jack
Ive develope psoriasis on my ankles which is making me feel like a fucking leper
I feel like Ive lost weight although I havent actually weighed myself to tell exactly how much (but I need to loose a hell of a lot more)
I think I have covered most of it.. Any information integral to future post with references to the missing time slots will be explained to my full capabilities - as they say the hardest thing to do is fuck all..

Lazy Arsed Wench

yes yes yes I know I know Ive been such a lazy whoooer in the last 2 months I dunno what valid reason to give, any one which I would pro-offer would be slapped away in a smack of disgust - it would belittle us all so lets not go into it. But suffice to say I will be assaulting your eyes with regularity when my broadband comes to my house and my meanderings will be most likely more complaintative (is that a real word?) left of field and just plain old bumbling..

I was really sad to hear of Steve Irwins death yesterday, I really admired his fearlessness and his enthusiasim and passion to his field of expertise. He was a mad bugger and I think thats what a lot of people loved about him, and I think most of us thought he was invincible - apparently his death by a stingray was the 4th known fatality in Austrailia and it was a fluke that he got hit in the chest with it...

Looks like my sis is off to new york to get married in november then its a 5 week honeymoon across china singapore and hong kong I told her Id carve her up if she set foot in my door the jammy wench LOL my dad asked me if I picked up the kitchen table and hit ryan with it when she told me of her nuptual plans lol. Im delighted for her *said with pursed lips* only joking smell if you read this - its comic relief! Truly Im delighted for her but Mam cant make it as she will be recovering from her hip surgery.. Anyway at least I dont have to do bridesmaid..