About Me

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! Cant impart too much information as I would have to kill you with my bare hands

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Juggling the impossible

I hate that I cant be there for my family and I have to work. My Chap needs a break and my Daughter Luci has a cold.

This video is of her favourite band Gorrilaz (yes at 3 she has all their albums and their videos have a stun gun effect on her aswell as her sister)

So this is for Luci & Ryan. Sorry Im not there and in this crummy place..

Tuesday, November 28, 2006


If you are feeling down this is a good way to forget all your troubles albeit momentarily

Lord Have Mercy

Theres no way Gods letting this guy into heaven

Monday, November 27, 2006

Where Hate never takes a holiday

Im taking a minor rant here be warned...

I must be one of the few women in this world that dislikes shopping. Is it something that my DNA is lacking? Im not quite sure but I think I suffer pavement rage and to endure the ever increasing number of shoppers with the pending spending frenzy of christmas is not something I am looking forward to. If I hadnt maxed out my credit card I think I would be pretty organised and blaise about the whole event but even grocery shopping is bring out the Dr Evil in me.

Now its not so much the numbers that makes me want to kill with my bare hands its the lack of manners that seems to be norm for every sodding woman with either grey hair or the mature 'well turned out' fraternity. This is the very generation that beat manners into their children and yet the first sign of a silver hair its a licence to do what ever they damn well choose. An ever growing hatred in my heart blossoms constantly for these sorts.

If its not stopping in the middle of the grocery isle chatting to the other biddies with their shopping carts clogging up the whole flow of traffic (and if you say 'excuse me please could I get by' they look at you as if you have ten heads)its them skipping Ques and generally pushing you aside. Im the idiot that usually holds the door open for people until theres no one else but me to go through the door and not one of them will say thank you! Although I live in Dublin city sometimes its not always conducive to walk back home. The shopping maybe too heavy or the weather too bad and Ill catch the bus, as its the middle of the city it my route seems to be exclusive to the blue rinse brigade and although they hobble and drag themselves to the bus stop as soon as they see the No 3 its like feeding time in the serengetti. My parents instilled a good mindset of manners into me and I would always be the one to give up my seat to someone, man or woman if they needed a seat but the last time I was on the bus I offered my seat to a woman of about 60 and I was met with ' No , Im perfectly capable of standing on my own two feet' to which I replied 'Im sorry to have wasted good manners on someone like you'. Needless to say I get a taxi from now on. After this weekend, as the shopping gets thicker and nastier in my capital city I think Ill be bringing a zippo and a can of hairspray on my shopping excursions.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

A slice of turkey from Aucturas

To all who read my blog and comment on it from the US Happy Thanksgiving hope you enjoy your holidays as they say here Slainte!

Secrets of the Strange

When I first returned from living in the UK I was a bit of a mess for about 8 months to be honest. I had left behind me some really sublime memories that where coated with deep deep heartbreak , my grandfather had died also and I moved into his house. In order to get my life back on track I concentrated on getting my own stamp on the house, get a job and get myself some hobbies and interests since my friends had all virtually settled down.
One day whilst walking around the city I seen a poster for ‘ Jim Rose - secrets of the strange’ tour. A voice in my head screamed ‘Cooooooool!!!!!!!!’ and I promptly decided to ditch the idea of getting any groceries and spent all my money on two tickets to see this master of illusion.

Tickets firmly in hand I danced with excitement all the way home and went about the business of thinking who I could bring. Bare in mind I was only home around a month and getting back in touch with people when I was feeling low seemed like a tall order for me, to be honest my self esteem had taken a firm beating and I just thought people would have the ‘ Oh youre back now and you want us to socialise with you when you where away for so long ' mentality(we are a great race of be-grudgers we Irish)‘ but how and ever I rang up a couple of friends who I was close enough to that would be far from that train of thought. The first reply from one friend was ‘ you want to go and see Who? Are you fuckin mad Jude? The second offer was greeted with ‘Theres no bleeding way youre going to get me in the same room with that guy’..

I found myself thinking ‘Jesus my friends were a bunch of sissies’. I looked closer to home and since my sister was living in new york and my brothers still chided me for being in the Bram Stoker society I thought I would have to bring someone wet behind the ears as far as Jim Roses reputation was concerned. Can you think of the least suspecting person you would bring to such a spectacle?? Three little letters M- U- M. Yes here was someone who was oblivious to all that Jim Rose and his carny family stood for. I rang her up , gave her a little warning that it was on the line of sword swallowers and contortionists and I tried to fight back the howls of laughter when all I could see was Mr Lifto in my minds eye..
My Mum is so cool in many ways, like all good mothers shes got mountains of wisdom in a single sentence, and is well versed in the ways of the world and knows to a certain extent theres a seedy side of life out there but bless her nothing prepared her for her nights entertainment with her daughter. When we got to the venue it was perfect. Tiny little tables dotted the open plan ‘stage’, purple lights dimly lit but added incredible ambience and overhead on the PA was ’Deadbolt’ - a voodoo rockabilly band which exuded 50’s kookiness in a macabre way. I was like a child at Christmas eve, so excited with anticipation. My mother who had heard a little bit about Jim Rose from my elder brother was a tad apprehensive , I lied through my teeth telling her she had nothing to worry about.
There were about a hundred and fifty people in the ‘intimate’ theatre but the tables where well spaced out and we where lucky (?) enough to get one near enough the front, the rest of the audience where on staggered seating at the back. The lighting changed from purple to midnight blue and the show began. No dramatic entrance which I thought showed style, Jim simply appeared from behind the curtain, told his story of how he came to be in the profession he had found himself in and proceeded to show some of his party pieces for example chewing razor blades and swallowing them on a string and bringing them back up, putting a fork up his nose. I looked over to my mother who was goggle eyed in amazement and smiling like a Cheshire cat.

As far as my mother was obliviously concerned the worst was yet to come.

He introduced the next act who took a couple of minutes to come on stage and in the fleeting interval my mother whispered to me ’this is amazing, did you see him with the string of blades? Mother of jesus!’ I was delighted she was enjoying it albeit in a ironic way. Then a guy called Pyro came on and generally showed his abilities his tongue could withstand when it came to putting out cigars , a hot iron and those gas burners one uses to caramelise crème caramels. You cant help but ask yourself over and over again how these guys discover their talents??

Then Mr Lifto came out on stage, I had to tell mum about him, but I only told her when we got there, she had seen him on a Friday night late night tv show before with a couple of irons dangling from a coat hanger that was secured through his nipples. Mr Lifto proceeded to tell the audience that this was his first attempt to lift since he ripped his scrotum whilst touring with Nine Inch Nails. My mother thought he ripped it with nine inch nails. He was using elephant tape on his member as a precautionary measure and proceeded to lift 4 cavity blocks much to the ladies bemusement and the gentlemens anxiety.

I guess the cruscendo for my mother came when Bebe,Jim's Wife came out with an angle grinder and a bucket of champagne and ice , she and another girl did a slot with the bebe angle grinding away on a groin plate she was wearing and then her assistant carved her initials with a chainsaw in an apple she was holding in her mouth, all very fine and dandy and THEN the girl pulled back the leather skirt she was wearing and hooked the ice bucket with champagne on to her ring that was hanging from her nether regions, and swung it happily like a young child in a playground! The look of shock on my mother was something to behold.. Still mum tried to take it in her stride..
When the show finished Jim Rose announced that there would be on sale a limited number of books available to buy and some of the performers would be in the bar of the venue to sign them. Mum waited in the eves with a brandy. I was one of the first to get mine signed. The highlight for me was that Jim called me beautiful and asked me , yes me to go party with them!!. And when Pyro was signing my book he told me his room number in the hotel they where staying (it was great to know I had still got the ol black magic). Then it dawned on me...As you know my mother was with me and as she lived a good 15 miles away , I remembered seeing my mothers car keys on the table as soon as Jim gave me the invite DAMN I had no other choice but to go home , I couldnt rush her home and tell her I was going partying with those guys she would have had kittens! (and Jim would probably sign her up). The next day in work she was telling her friends in work what she had seen and she told me her street cred had shot up with the younger members of staff, she said she would go again when they came and she would be bringing her friends too. I on the other hand got so much more out of it and it did my self esteem the power of good.

Monday, November 20, 2006

Wish upon a star

It was my birthday yesterday. One of the gifts I recieved from my beloved was a tattoo/piercing gift certificate.. Even at 35 I dare not tell my mother..
One of the nicest things about my birthday was that there was a meteor shower in the early hours of the morning , the Leonid Meteor shower happens once every 30 years and apparantly because of all the crap in the atmosphere this one would probably be the last one to see with the naked eye. I checked out the weather it said cloudy but I held out my hopes. At 5am I went downstairs opened my front door and went out to the balcony. There was a break in the clouds and I seen one. Call me a dreamer but I made a wish.

Friday, November 17, 2006

I say chaps steady on

Im 35 on Sunday wouldnt mind having what they're having to celebrate LOL

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

You Decide

Showman or Genius ?

I wonder if they sell these in Sharper Image - Making one looking either incredibly Lazy or cool as Fuck


this may take a little time to load up but trust me its soo worth it

New Beats

Ive changed the look and sounds on the player I hope there is a sense of joy /discovery for everyone that reads this blog in the tracks that Ive chosen. Ive got 5 more to add so its still not final. Enjoy!

And the Oscar Goes to.....

Did you ever have one of those days when the bed was too warm? Those raindrops outside fell a little too hard on the window pane and the slow low growl of the wind was an omen for worse weather to come, when you held your bladder to the point of pain rather than leave the cocooned hibernation to the dirty mornings weather?. This was just one of those days. I was 14 years old, I had the worst day of the week in timetabled lessons ahead of me; Double period of Maths followed by double period of Gaelic and after lunch was Physical Ed and a double period of Home Ecconomics. I just couldnt face it and knowing that my friends in school where going to try and 'pull a sickie' for the day in it, also did not give me the incentive to face the day without the comedic comeradary we braved on such days.

What made it even harder for me that I would have to convince two parents not one, that I was too unwell to attend school. It was a tall order and under the merciless scrutiny of my father who was on shore leave it did not bode well to accomplish such a fete. I lay in bed wondering how on earth I could give a convincing yet empathetic performance. Everyone was still asleep and it was about 6:30am. No use in feigning a tummy ache I would have to go through the motions of getting dressed and being pushed out the door under tearful protest of my general wellbeing. No, such a morning would warrant something that little bit extra..

It was a 'eureka' moment, suddenly in few seconds my questions where crystalised in an antidote for the performance of my life to date. I had little time to execute my plan so I pushed back the covers and gently padded down the stairs so as to keep my slumbering family in situ. First things first, from under the sink I pulled out a stainless steel bowl, this was used on such occasions where a bucket was being used to mop the floor or if someone was unwell and needed to vomit and was too ill or too far away to make it to the toilet. Yes you guessed it I was making up my own vomit from everyday ingrediants in the kitchen. You heard correctly , too much of a coward to try and make myself sick by jamming my fingers down my neck and to be honest it seemed too much trouble , besides I love a challange and I wanted to see how well I did in the special effects department ( hey I was 14 and needed to get career motivated, seek out a vocation so I could drive my studies towards) Now for consistancy I used 'ready break' which is kinda fine flaked oatmeal. I needed something for color -1000 salad island dressing complete with little 'lumps' to give it a 'gruel' texture and for extra consistancy and scent - stewed apple (home made apple sauce) and vinegar was applied. And the finishing touch warm milk to infuse and curdle.

'jude' I said to myself 'You're a fucking genius!' the plan was to walk by my mother as she made her way downstairs and walk to the bathroom to flush it down the toilet.I heard shuffling upstairs, Mum was getting up , I tickled my throat with two fingers to give gagging sound effects as her bedroom door opened. At the crucial moment she hit the last stair step I walked by her 'whats that she said 'Ive just got sick' and I emptied the concoction down the toilet when I came out Mum said ' go on back to bed' inside I punched the air and I passed my father on the stairs, he looked at me suspiciously , it unnerved me. Around Noon time my father came in to the room and said I dont know how you did it but you fooled your mother but not me, but I cant be angry at you - full marks for trying and he cackled laughing going out the door, I was rumbled but I knew when he left the room his admiration for me had hit new levels

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Waiting room of the world

Nothing is inspiring me at the moment in otherwords Im feeling very hum-drum this weather, nothing inspiring rolling around in my head with the exception of the anal retentive facts that I collect from time to time , maybe if I unleash them Ill be able to remove the mental block...

The Eiffel tower grows in the summer
Oh Yes one wonders is it because of the sexy reputation paris has but infact the huge structure grows with the heat in the summer a full seven inches which is the average that would please any madame!

Redheads are notoriously difficult to operate on
Not because the are prone to bad tempers but more so because they are more sensitive to pain and need more anaesthetic... Ginger wingers!

A flushing Loo is a cinema taboo
No one dared spend a penny on celluloid until Alfred Hitchcock caused controversy in Psycho never mind the 'horrific' murder scene or the fact Janet Leigh was having promisquous sex, the offending public just did not want to hear the crapper being flushed.

If you could see as well as the Wide Field and Planetary Camera on the Hubble Space Telescope, you would be able to read the fine print on a newspaper one mile away!

What is the dot over an 'i' called
A tittle, sounds a bit rude does it not.

Centuries ago, purchasing real estate often required having one or more limbs amputated in order to prevent the purchaser from running away to avoid repayment of the loan. Hence an expensive purchase was said to cost "an arm and a leg."

Hmm I think Ive bored you enough..

Monday, November 13, 2006

Check out my BoomBox


Sorry Like my new MP3 player ? just a sample of some of the music I listen to and until I transfer all my classics to MP3 format (and Im hoping my man will help me out again as he has to take credit with helping to load it up thanx hunnee Mmmwahh) the tracks are not in preference nor is it a final playlist.

Seriously if any of you guys reading this listens to it let me know any of the tracks you enjoy!

Wednesday, November 8, 2006

Life expectancy

Ill wipe this after a couple of days, just a nifty little number and the vids a giggle

On a dark winters night

A little movie was on Film Four just before Halloween, Now me and my chappy are quite partial to the asia extreme releases and this one was more or less on our collection list to buy . But on a cold winters night and you want some psychological horror Jigsaw I recommend this one, the montage of the movie is haunting,rich and beautiful and its accompanied by music of Heather Nova. And If you like the music and want to download more I reccomend her oyster album

Tuesday, November 7, 2006

Ill Prepared & Ingrate

I say it every year like a mantra on the 26th of December - next year Im going to start preparing things in June to get organised for christmas. This year I feel horribly unorganised. As with everyone more finances would be welcome to lighten the load. I remember you couldnt find anyone more organised than I when it came to the festive season, I also would spend hours constructing elaboratly decorated parcels for my friends overseas but that was me as a single woman with free time, no kids, no step children and no extra family. My children are at that age also that they are between toys so to speak, the stuff thats out is either too old for them or too old hat, Id really love to get them something thats durable , that they cant eat without electrocuting themselves, they cant use as a blugeoning instrument and more importantly educational and fun..

I think christmas was very easy for me as a child, anything I usually asked for I got which was really cool of my parents I mean there were five of us, ireland was still considered to be a third world country and there was a recession on, luckily for Dad he was head waiter on a state Ferry restaurant that so many people escaped on immigrating to the uk looking for work to send back money to support families; Dad would make a weeks wages in a days tips alone and with the benefits of duty free and goodies/perks of the job our family were considerably more comfortable than most.

I can only remember having my nose put out of joint twice when I was a child at christmas; Once when my brother got an 'action man/ GI Joe' tomahawk helicopter, it was huge and fairly impressive, I was in that stage where I was tiring of dollies and the tomahawk had that je nais se quoi factor to it. Like I said it was impressive, buttons, functions and incapsulated the same awe and wonder to me as it did my brother. I swooped in for the liberation of this mechanical beast when my brothers guard was down (probably was in the bathroom at the time). I ran upstairs and hid it in the airing cupboard. I can still see it now covered in an orange candlewick bedspread , propellers sticking out, a snotty tearful younger brother and my mother pointing at it yelling at me..After that he guarded it with his life.

The other incident happened much later on, more or less when I was about 13. It was the early 80s I had just started a new school, punk, new wave and dramatic colors where the norm for my peers. Boots which was a huge drugstore company in england had a pretty impressive make up campaign on the tv and I wanted to be painted like an in'jin. My sister who is a year older than me , who had no interest in make up at all got a box set of big Boots make up! Oh the indignity I felt!!! This was at a stage where I knew that father christmas did not exist so the people resposible for the scenario where my parents. A cutting look that only Damien Thorn could exhude was given and my face clouded like a madagascan thunder storm. I felt robbed - I was more deserving of this gift! How could they do this to me? Oh yeah I was pretty ungrateful that day to say the least I screamed into my pillow to alleviate the stress and to add insult to injury my sister would not let me have ' a go ' with the make up, I was merely allowed was to gaze at it misty eyed. I have no doubt now what my parents did was right, I wanted to be Toyah at 12 years old. I cant remember what I got for christmas that year but my Dad still chuckles out aloud when he recants the tale.

Monday, November 6, 2006

You couldnt make this shit up...

My boss's son and his girlfriend has angered a big time lunatic in the criminal underworld of Dublin by selling her story to a national rag about his paedophile past. There is every chance this guy will seek retaliation in the form of a torching of business or knee capping. Which ever method he chooses I for sure do not want to be witness to it..

Wednesday, November 1, 2006

While youre waiting..

Im in the middle of writing my next post here at work (tee hee) until then heres some little laughs for you, note the belgian chat hosts reaction!