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! Cant impart too much information as I would have to kill you with my bare hands

Friday, December 29, 2006

Quite Nite

Im feeling in a strange mood - mostly because of the last couple of weeks have been a bit of a rollarcoaster for me. I found an old disc that was done a few years back by an old friend of mine with the muse track unintended which I loved but never seen the video so I You tubed it, it would be scary if watching it on drugs, the second one is from my past collection and its proof you dont need a huge budget for a powerful video the third is of Katie Melua and its for Dan O Bannon fans - its quite here My girls are asleep and my chap is gone to collect my stepkids over in the UK I guess you can measure the vulnerabilty here by the music Im Posting/ listening to.. ooops I hear rumblings on the baby monitor.. Enjoy the powerful lyrics if you want to listen..

Thursday, December 28, 2006

Missing off the face of Hogmanay

This is my first time on the net since the 21st and right now my two toddlers are vying for attention to settle down and chill out with the essential cuddles before the sandman comes and does his magic (it better be four scoupefuls of his cement best, Daddy and I want to make some magic of our own before enforced celibacy comes in the shape of 3 other kids staying at ours for about 6 days - the twang of the wah wah peddle will be a merer echo of past) I wish you all a very happy blessed and peaceful new year and look forward to reading all your delightful words next year Im listening to this song at the moment - a beautiful sentiment lyrically and literally (- and the birds on the video are a bit of alright too eh lads?? ;OP)

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Over the Holidays

Dont mix your drink and drugs by all means do it individually or you could end up dicing with death like these unfortunate ones

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

How it should have ended

I am still like a rabbit in headlights having seen the Richard Donner cut of superman II I like them both for different reasons but think Donner should have really been at the helm all the way originally check out the link and the other 3 are just for giggles. Enjoy

Waking the Dead

For those of you who have seen the movie Snatch by Guy Ritchie will know about the sub culture of Pikeys that seems to originate here in Ireland. My Dad absolutely loathes these people and with good reason too as they made his working life a nightmare. Dad up until two years ago was on board manager on a ferry company that sailed from Dublin to Holyhead Wales twice a day. He would spend a week on the ferry and a week on terra firma at home and such was his life for nearly 32 years. Every week I would look forward to hearing his stories about the incidents that happened during his weeks work. Most of the stories where side splittingly funny and always involved the intinerants AKA gyppos, knackers, pikeys , travellers, cream crackers etc

One morning when he arrived home he brought with him the King of stories and its one I tell to this day whenever the subject comes up about irish gypsies. Whenever there is a funeral or a wedding, the gypsies would travel over in droves, their caravans, 'dawgs' and Hiace vans in tow. The would run amok shop lifting in the Duty free area, their kids use the childrens play area like a cess pit and the bar would make for a boxing ring or campsite for the whiskey nosed men and women alike. I am not trying to portray these people badly honestly its hard facts and when I travelled over on the ship I witnessed this myself.

On this particular shift my dad was working on, a galley boy rang him at the main reception to call out a car registration over the tanoy apparently some guy was asleep in the back of the car and for insurance purposes as my dad knew, he could not stay there and all efforts to wake up the guy fell on deaf ears. My Dad announced for the owners of the vehicle to come to reception. He said their shadows fell upon him five minutes before they appeared- two of the biggest pikeys he had ever seen, he said they had fists like christmas hams.
Pikey 1:'whats yer problem baws'? (pikeys call everyone Boss or mister)
Dad : My problem Sir is your friend cant sleep in the car when the ship is at sea, it goes against the health and safety regulations and for insurance purposes he must go up onto the deck, Im sorry but rules are rules
Pikey 2 ' Ahh its okehh baws hes dead
Dad: He's What?!
Pikey 1: He's Dead boss, ysee mister it would cost us eight hundred pound to bring him over in a coffin so we brought him in the keyar as a passanger for sixty
Dad (picking his jaw up)When did he die?
Pikey 2: Three days ago sir, We drove from maidstone to holyhead 3 days ago
Dad : What did he die of?
Pikey 1: A monday sir
Dad No what killed him
Pikey 1: Awhh D'owl drink got him baws
Dad well we have to move him out of the car and put him in the morgue room here in the ship
Pikey 2;well we'll go down and open the car door because hes got a bit of a bang off him sir and we'll have to break his legs too because of the rigger mortis baws
(a bang means smell)
Dad Just do what you have to do Sir
So he was brought up to the morgue in the ship. About an hour later there was a brawl in the bar and the master of arms was called in to 'arrest' the purpatrators, turns out that it was the dead dudes wake.

My Dad did have a one off 'business' deal though with a pikey but it fell through, One saturday morning they called to our house with a horse and cart
Pikey - would you have any scrap for the wagon
Dad; Hang on there (walks into the kitchen to my mother , Monica theres someone at the door for you
Dad behind my mother; Will she do?
Pikey : Ahh throw her up on the back we might get a few bob for her
Fortunately for my father, my mother has a sense of humour otherwise he may have ended up on the knackers cart.

Ho Ho Ho

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Tag twist

Maybe its the meme virgin in me but I dont mind getting tagged or memed most people around the blogs I visit seems to irk them. General Catz gave me one with a difference.
1. Grab the book closest to you.
2. Open to page 123, go down to the fifth sentence
3. Post the text of next 3 sentences on your blog
4. Name of the book and the author
5. Tag three people

1 Book closest to me is the Demon Hunters handbook - a beautiful illustrated book for my chappy for christmas (hope he does not read this)

2'I beg you again my friend, if you would follow this calling.Do not allow youself the luxury of love! For it will become naught but a weakness for the enemy to prey upon'

3 Strangly there is no author for it just the nom de plume of Armande Van Helsing.. Cracking Illustrations if youre into that kind of stuff

I tag... Hmm Crankster Helene and Slaghammer

Monday, December 18, 2006

Memed by a Cranky Old Bastard

Ive been tagged By crankster, so Ill tag Slaghammer, Stucco, Hammer and General Catz. If you guys have already did this meme please direct me to it in your archives (for proof LOL).
1. Three things that scare me:
-George Bush and His government
-the death of the people I love
-Kondo dragons

2. Three people who make me laugh:
-My Dad
-My Daughters

3. Three things I love:
-My Partner Ryan
-My daughters
-My parents & family

4. Three things I hate:
-celery (tastes like it was watered in the ground with piss)
-Being told to ‘shush’ (I get that pet hate from my mother- do it to her and she’ll go atomic on you)
-lack of compassion

5. Three things I don't understand:
-Poverty in our times
-the unfair treatment of children in the judicial system

6. Three things on my desk (at home)
-A glass pentagram orb
-A wind up walking nun
-A pacifier

7. Three things I'm doing right now:
-Smoking (don’t lecture me please , Im big and hairy enough to know what Im doing- Im giving up SOON)
-Contemplating to put on some face paint because I woke up late and walked into work looking like a banshee
-writing Christmas cards

8. Three things I want to do before I die:
-Write a book and see it published/on film
- Get tattood by Kat Von D
- see my grandchildren graduate

. Three things I can do:
-Sign Language
-Play guitar

10. Three things I can't do:
-Link properly on my blog (cut and paste examples would be appreciated via email - Im a dope at that stuff!)
-Leave things alone in an argument (until things are smoothed out Im like a dog with a bone)
-Bend my left pinky (I severed the tendon in it via a shattered hand basin)

11. Three things you should listen to:
-Bill Hicks
-Mark Thomas
-Dead Can Dance

12. Three things you should never listen to:
-Nails on a blackboard
-George Bush

13. Three things I'd like to learn:
- Special effects make up for movies
-How to shuffle like a croupier
-Play Harp/ Classical Piano

14. Three favorite foods:
-Stir Fried Noodles with beansprouts
-Seafood Chowder
-Spaghetti marinated in Mediterranean tomatoes with basil served on toasted batch Mama Mia!

15. Three beverages I drink regularly:
-Diet Coke
-Lots of water

16. Three shows I watched as a kid
-Wildlife on One
-Flash Gordon
- Roald Dahls Tales of the Unexpected

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Chemical Warfare

When I moved to the UK it was the first time living on my own. I adapted quite well to my independence although I missed my family like crazy. I went there just for the experience of living in another country, granted it was no great culture shock neither was it exotic but it was familiar ground as I had visited there many times before and it was right in the middle of the uk so if I did gain employment from anywhere else in the uk it Leicester was a good centrepoint of travel.

The first place I lived in was owned by a spectacularly oddly matched couple; Rash and Rose (sounds like a dubious adult DVD), Rash was a thirtysomething lapsed sheik who suffered from some form of polio as a child which hardened him up and was a tough geezer to most but still he had a heart of gold underneath it all, Rose was a walking welsh full time mood swinging lady who I would class as an 'aggressive pacifist' yknow sugar coating her conversations and comments without outwardly portraying the true bitch she was. Anyway the house they owned was in a leafy suburb of Leicester - huge house that boasted about 15 converted ensuite rooms (it used to be a 'hotel') and there were people of all nationalities who moved in all at the one time as it was the couples first foray into the world of landlording capitalism. Every evening most of us would congregate into the aircraft hanger sized living room and just basically abuse our livers. Over the next six months some people moved out what with moving to new cities where their work would take them, Rash and Rose lived in on the ground floor out in the back but they came up every evening to take a drink with us and have a laugh. The fine line between tenant and landlord was crossed and too many comments where made with a couple of people which resulted in a clutch of moving. I did not like the place anymore and it began to feel like I was living with watchful parents. So I moved out with 3 others , Annemarie got her own place and with the other two David, Clare and I moved into a flat. After 8 months of living there their relationship soured and I moved out to a house with Anne Maire (confused? I promise you Ill get to the point of this post)

Now Annemarie was someone who I lived with out of necessity not choice. She was a little bohemian which I liked but she was not the most tidiest of women and scarily she looked like Rose West the serial killer. When I was living in Rash's a clutch of us decided to go to a comedy club together while where waiting on Annemarie to get ready in her room and clare wanted to know where the bin was, surveying the geography and judging by the faint smell I reckoned we where sitting in it. The alarm bell soon rang in me from me thinking she was one unorganised and devil may care bint to when I witnessed her openly cannon balling in the car park of the venue as one nasty habited mare (cannon balling - a phenomena that some men indulge in ie holding down one nostril and projecting pressure to the other to 'clear the tubes' without the aid of cotton or tissue). Like it or not I couldnt afford to live with anyone else so I searched for a place and moved in with the baglady.

There was no washing machine in the house so every sunday Id take the five minute walk to the laundrette and do my sack of laundry. she never really came along to do her own and it would be more like once every 3 months- her bedclothes (which turned from peach to grey) didnt leave her bed for about 7 months and could have easily been used as partitions if needed be.Her Socks looked like plywood on the floor and there was puddles of stain clothes and knickers about the place.There was a joke between my boyfriend and I that there was more skid marks in her room then there was in Le Mans race track (Ewwwh I hear you say but the old saying within every jest lies a grain of truth) It got bad though when my chap started to wince at the idea that he was sharing the same bath as she (which she would take once a week despite there being no shower)

Still all in all I like to see the good in everyone and we had some laughs in the time we did house share. She was a media teacher but she set about a course so she could train to teach English in the Gambia when I was nearing the end of my time in the UK. Determined not to leave all my worldly possesions behind me I decided to drag them back to Ireland on several trips at a time (due to financial restrictions)On the morning of one such trip Anne marie was due to go away on a two week training course also. I emptied the fridge of milk and all other things that I thought would spoil but checked with annemarie if she wanted to dispose of her open can of tuna and sliced ham - she said she would deal with it herself so off I went.

I came back to Leicester a day or two earlier than I had planned. When I opened the door a mountain of Junk mail lay on the floor in the hall - grand I thought , no one home. I went upstairs to open the windows and air the place as it was smelling a bit musty. Nothing and I mean Nothing prepared me for what I was about to discover. We lived in an old victorian terrace house, the upstairs branched one room (the chamber of filth) to the right and to the left was a narrow corridor with my room the bathroom and the spare room respectively. I went into my room and the air stank of like a group of winos had defecated and vomited in there. What was that smell?? Did something crawl in and die when I was gone?? Was someone murdered in here and the smell only permeating now through the floorboards or walls? The smell seemed to seep from the bathroom. Given the hindsight I should have opened the door with a yardstick when wearing a biohazard suit but alas it was not meant to be. It looked like a prisoner had made a 'dirty protest in there.The toilet and the bath looked liked it had been sprayed with excreta and vomit. The smell would have gagged a tramp. I could not believe it, I checked all the rooms thinking someone had broken in and seen nothing of value and decided to violate the john for vengeance. I quickly availed of every detergent, bleach and airfreshner I had, within five minutes of the discovery every room had incense belching out of all corners. It seemed that some pungent beast had been unleashed when I opened the door. I really could not understand or comprehend that someone one, and forgive me for sounding sexist, but possibly some woman had left that kind of filth behind them. It had been there for sometime due to its stubbornness of shifting when I cleaned it, kettles of scalding water where used to 'breakdown' the dried in waste.

How could someone lack such a sense of civility never mind self respect

Later that night I was in my room tinkering with my computer trying to get my mind off the days events when I heard the door key turn. It was Annemarie and she was not alone , her elderly parents where in tow too. I was too incandescent with rage to go down and see her so I decided it best to stay where I was. Her parents left about an hour later and I went downstairs.

She lay on the sofa like a diva. A hospital plastic bracelet hung around her wrist ( I thought 'you might not want to take that off too soon you might be needing in the next 10 minutes') 'Hi darling how was ireland' 'Clean' I replied through gritted teeth to which was swiftly followed with ' what the fuck went on here when I was away' she then proceeded to tell me that she had got back early from her course and ate the tuna and ham that was left in the fridge (I wouldnt mind the ham was beginning to look like an insole when I left god only knows what it looked like when she got at it) and got a touch of toxic poisoning and she was lucky she did not get botulism. She said she had to get an ambulance for herself and could not clean herself up or the bathroom she was in that bad of a way.I pointed out that she had no cell phone, the phone in the house had been disconnected over a week and yet she could drag her septic arse to a call box but left her filth behind her?? She could not answer that one except use the feminine get out clause of using crocodile tears and saying 'you dont know what Ive been through'. Pardon the pun but it wouldn't wash with me. She was cheap - too cheap to buy fresh food and in return she suffered. But one of the greatest mysteries to me was how a strain of bacteria managed to find the chink in her armour.???

The general filth she surrounded herself should have given her an immune system that you would only find in a secret government laboratory. There were more incidents of her general vileness but I guess the funniest one was went we both walked home from the supermarket down the road from us. We stopped at traffic lights and she openly started scratching her 'bits' like a guy while waiting for the lights to turn red when a burly bloke shouted out from his van 'stop that you filthy mare'! I nearly killed myself with the traffic leaping away in dissociation.

Christmas Card

To all who read my blog and all those I comment on this is just an offering to wish you all the best this festive season. Although the video is still loading up as I type ; I chose it for the 'as gaelige'(in irish) version of silent night rather than the vision mixing happy person who made the footage.

So to all of you and yours, from this little corner of the emerald isle have a very happy christmas, happy hanukah etc


Friday, December 8, 2006

The Kringle is out there

Location: 57 Elm Street, Bethlehem, PA.
11:51 pm, December 24

Mulder: We're too late. Its already been here.

Scully: Mulder, I hope you know what you're doing.

Mulder: Look Scully. Just like the other homes. Douglas fir,
truncated, mounted, transformed into some sort of shrine; halls
decked with boughs of holly; stockings hung by the chimney
with care.

Scully: You really think someone's been here?

Mulder: Someone or something.

Scully: Mulder, over here. It's, fruitcake.

Mulder: Don't touch it! Those things can be deadly.

Scully: It's OK. There's a note attached: "Gonna find out who's
naughty and nice."

Mulder: It's judging them, Scully. It's making a list.

Scully: Who? What are you talking about?

Mulder: Ancient mythology tells of an obese humanoid entity
who could travel at great speed in a craft powered by antlered
servants. Once each year, near the winter solstice, this creature
is said to descend from the heavens to reward its followers and
punish its disbelievers with jagged chunks of anthracite.

Scully: But that's legend Mulder. A story told by parents to
frighten children. Surely you don't believe it?

Mulder: Something was here tonight Scully. Check out the bite
marks on this gingerbread man, Whatever tore through this plate
of cookies was massive - and in a hurry.

Scully: It left crumbs everywhere. And look Mulder, this milk
glass has been completely drained.

Mulder: It gorged itself Scully. It fed without remorse.

Scully: But why would they leave it milk and cookies?

Mulder: Appeasement. Tonight is the Eve, and nothing can stop
its wilding.

Scully: But if this thing does exist, how did it get in? The doors
and windows were locked. There's no sign of forced entry.

Mulder: Unless I miss my guess, it came through the fireplace.

Scully: Wait a minute Mulder. If you are saying some huge
creature landed on the roof and came down the chimney you're
crazy. The flue is barely six inches wide. Nothing could get
through there.

Mulder: But what if it could alter its shape, move in all

Scully: You mean, like a bowl full of jelly?

Mulder: Exactly Scully. I've never told anyone this, but when I
was a child my home was visited. I saw the creature. It had
long white strips of fur surrounding its ruddy, misshapen head.
Its bloated torso was red and white. I'll never forget the horror.
I turned away, and when I looked back it had somehow taken on
the facial features of my father.

Scully: Impossible!

Mulder: I know what I saw. And that night it read my mind. It
brought me a Mr. Potato Head. Scully, it knew I wanted a Mr.
Potato Head!

Scully: I'm sorry Mulder, but you're asking me to disregard the
laws of physics. You want me to believe in some supernatural
being who soars across the skies and brings gifts to good little
girls and boys. Listen To what you're saying. Do you
understand the repercussions? If this gets out, they'll close the

Mulder: Scully, listen to me. It knows when you are sleeping.
It knows when you're awake.

Scully: But we have no proof.

Mulder: Last year, on this exact date, S.E.T.I. radio telescopes
detected bogeys in the airspace over twenty-seven states. The
White House ordered a Condition Red.

Scully: But that was a meteor shower.

Mulder: Officially. Two days ago, eight prized Scandinavian
reindeer vanished from the National Zoo in Washington D.C..
Nobody - not even the zoo keeper - was told about it. The
government doesn't want people to know about Project Kringle.
They fear that if this thing is proved to exist, then the public
would stop spending half of its annual income in a holiday
spending frenzy. Retail markets would collapse. Scully, they
cannot let the world believe this creature lives. There's too much
at stake. They'll do whatever it takes to ensure another silent

Scully: Mulder, I ...

Mulder: Sh-h-h! Do you hear what I hear?

Scully: On the roof. It sounds like a ......a clatter.

Mulder: The truth is up there. Let's see what's the matter.

100th Post

I have reached my hundreth post today and it might not seem that significant to those who have been blogging longer than I, but its an achievement for me in my own little way since I had a gap of about three months from one post to another.. At the moment my office heating has given up the ghost , I have a pounding headache and Im shivvvvvvering.

Flicking through a newspaper suppliment this moring and there was a photo article concerning womens shoes for the festive fashion parade. Now I dont know what the fascination that women have with shoes I for one dont have it but I can kind of understand the phenomena but you are more or less likely to find me in a pair of new rocks rather than pumps.One of the many many pairs that was shown in the article hurdled me back to a time and place Id rather forget about.

I was seven years old, and it was a lazy hot summer. The community games where taking place, the usual sack, 3 legged and egg and spoon races took place with tug O war, Soccer and Rounders thrown in for variety and compatability. For the less sporting and more artistic; Art competitions, Talent competitions and a fancy dress competition. The First prize for the fancy dress was voucher for the local toy store and I had my eye on a fair few things there so I was determined it would be mine..

I told my mother I wanted to enter and as it was last minute notice I gave her she was not best prepared. 'What do you want to dress up as?', I thought about it for a minute, we had just returned from my Aunts in Essex in the uk and it was the mid 70s, Punk had exploded in England just as much as the plague of ladybugs and greenfly that summer. 'I want to be a punk rocker' So Mum went about her best , dressing me up like a punk, I remember her ripping the pockets a bit of an old denim skirt and putting a few safety pins in it. She backcombed my hair and put it in a side pony tail, I cant remember very much about the other clothes, the makeup I suppose it no different to what I wear today but the shoes... God the shoes!! High heal stilletos, white - no brilliant white and for some reason was given a small purse.

Instead of looking like the spitting angry youth of the day I ended up looking like a prostitute. When I got to the competition there were a dozen or so kids there, the old classics like Dracula, frankenstein and luke skywalker (someone in their karate suit with a light saber) where on parade but there was another girl there Amanda Mc Carthy who was dressed as another punk. She had it 'going on' in comparision to me saftey pins and chains everywhere , hair in pole spikes and leather jacket. I felt Crestfallen and knew she or either the rubiks cube would be lording it the next day in the toy store. Soon enough it came to 'parade' ourselves in front of the judges and all I can remember was this one guy nearly wetting himself he was laughing so much. Something was very wrong, I knew the kids with me where not dressed that humourously.. Unknownst to me the only person he could be laughing at was me, looking like a whooo -er. I won much to my suprise and in my innocence I thought I did look like a punk albeit a poorly dressed one. It was not until years later when my mother recanted the tale did I realize that I won it on the merits of beating the skywalker with myself being a streetwalker.Looking back it all made sense and the penny drops when I think of my 'costume' and those pole dancer heals.

Thursday, December 7, 2006

A fool and his money

Working in a construction company the reading material around here comes in the form of 'The Sun' tabloid so after Ive read my Gaurdian cover to cover and its a slack day Ill have a flick through. Here is the most cringingly embaressing story Ive read in some time, my question was why tell it to the nation??

JUBILANT car salesman Steve Moseley went berserk and told his boss to stick his job — after MISREADING a £1million scratchcard.
Ecstatic Steve, 36, DANCED on his desk, THREW all the money in his wallet at colleagues and sent a junior out for CHAMPAGNE thinking he had won a fortune.
He then phoned his girlfriend to tell her he had quit and was rushing off to buy an Aston Martin.
But 45 minutes later his celebrations were cruelly cut short when he phoned the National Lottery’s claim hotline — and was told to take another look.
Shocked Steve saw he had mistaken a 16 for a 15 on his 24 Karat Gold scratchcard — meaning he had NOT matched two 15kg ingots.
And instead of becoming an instant millionaire he was broke and jobless.
Steve, of Gosport, Hants, could barely scrape the money together to pay the junior for the £35 bottle of bubbly. He then had to grovel to boss Mike Earle — telling him: “I’ve made a dreadful mistake.”
Red-faced Steve said yesterday: “I went from thinking I had a million quid to having to beg for my job back. I also had to ring the girlfriend and tell her I was a plonker.“I told Mike I loved my job and would he consider re-hiring me because I had just made a total prat of myself.”
Colleagues at used car dealers Fortnums in Fareham, Hants, had watched gobsmacked as jubilant Steve told his boss: “Stick your job — I’m a millionaire!”
Steve, who forked out £5 for his chance at a million, scratched off what he thought were the winning numbers at 10am. He said: “As far as I was concerned all my worries were gone.
“It was pandemonium with me dancing on the desks and screaming and shouting. The ticket looked a winner to everyone who saw it.”
After phoning overjoyed girlfriend Theresa Parsons, 27, he called Camelot — and was given the bad news at 10.45.
Steve said: “I dropped the phone and felt physically sick.
“One of the figures had FFTN under it and the other one had SXTN. But they were in tiny print and the two numbers in big print looked exactly the same.”
Steve WAS given his job back — but got so much ribbing from colleagues that he resigned days later. He now works at another dealers.
Ex-boss Mike said: “You see where people’s loyalties lie when money like that is involved. But I felt sorry for him because I could see the numbers did look genuine on the ticket.”
Camelot admitted it had received “a very small number of calls” about figures on its 24 Karat Gold scratchcard looking similar.
But a spokesman said: “We always advise players to check it is a winner before they take any action. Telling the boss to ‘stick their job’ is not a good idea until we have given you your cheque

Wednesday, December 6, 2006

More Drivel

* =(yay I can show the nice pictures again)
*With blogger refusing to allow me to post pictures Ive amused myself in other ways here at work with furnishing you good people out there with More useless facts to dazzle and delight to the drunks at the Office Christmas Party

Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.
Clans of long ago that wanted to get rid of their unwanted people
without killing them used to burn their houses down - hence the
expression "to get fired."
The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street were named after Bert the
cop and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capra's "Its A Wonderful Life"
Coca-Cola was originally green.
A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why
The mask used by Michael Myers in the original "Halloween"
was actually a Captain Kirk mask painted white.
If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs
in the air, the person died in battle; if the horse has one front
leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in
battle; if the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person
died of natural causes.
The name Wendy was made up for the book "Peter Pan."
If you can see a rainbow you must have your back to the sun.
If you don't, you can't see it.
It's rumored that sucking on a copper penny will cause a
breathalyzer to read 0.
A pregnant goldfish is called a twit
Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king
Spades - King David,
Clubs - Alexander the Great,
Hearts - Charlemagne,
Diamonds - Julius Caesar

Come and have a go (if you think youre hard enough)

Hurray! (see below)
For some strange reason Blogger wont let me post up any pictures so you will have to wait for the comedic images of victorian drunken women fighting to be pasted on (if you will pardon the pun) here until then my ramblings will lie raw and naked on the screen in front of you.

One of the many things that I hate to see but never the less makes me watch with that infatuated study of the very nature of the act is cat fighting. I’m not talking felines here. Its actually women fighting. Now you don’t tend to see too much of it these days thankfully because in my view its degrading and nasty looking but yet as I said before if a fight broke out in the middle of the street it would stop me in my tracks and I would not look away with distain. I put it in the same category as ‘car crash ‘ television - you want to look away but cant.

When I was younger, there seemed to be quite a lot of it going around where I lived. Children would get into fights with each other , they would come home snotty, tear stained , unkempt and maybe a bloody nose. These women would frogmarch their whimpering child around to the house of the perpetrator and make the parent aware of the child’s wrong doing. Sometimes this was not a wise course of action depending on who’s mother or father you where complaining too. There were two such women that were a bit blood lusty in that department, One happened to live next door to us and the other directly opposite the road.

Liz , who lived next door came from a rough part of inner city Dublin , she had the tongue of an adder when talking to her children and had little or no scruples . My parents where more comfortable than most in our estate in a recession ravaged country my father was in a secure and well paid job which in turn made it affordable for us to have some luxuries for the era in it, which included the front of the house repointed , painted , new wrought iron gates, new driveway and new PVC double glazed windows and front door. Every time we would get something done to the façade of the house Liz seemed to follow suite and get the exact same thing done which pissed my mother off no end and she would vent her grievances to my father. I was eight years old and hearing my mothers frustrations I somehow harboured a hatred for the woman also. After all I loved my mother and was proud of the way our house looked and felt that we where cheated of our originality. Liz had a son called Darren, who although was a year younger than me was incredibly effeminate and to no surprise is gay now but back then, as children do there would be wars of words from time to time. My Dad had just got a new ford Ritmo and one evening I was walking down the driveway to my house when Darren shouted in his common albeit camp accent to me ’ you ‘s think you’s are great with yer nuuu car when its only a piece of shite’ So on the defence I piped up ’ you mam has to copy everything my mam does, look at the state of her new door’ to which Darren replied ’my ma says that yours is the cheap one and ours cost much more’ That was it I seen red, so as I neared my front door and I’m ashamed to say this even now, I leaned over the fencing and spat at the door ’tell yer ma that’s what I think of her new door’ and went inside. I could hear his diva like gasp as I closed my door. I knew there would be trouble so as soon as I got in I told my mother what Darren had said about my dads new car and said he had spat on our door also, no sooner did I have the words out a thunderous knock came on the door. It was Liz.

She was screeching about how I had spat on her door and my mother calmly told her my version of what happened and that of course she would be dealing with me for spitting on someone’s door but that the entire incident was provoked by her son and it would answer her better to take herself away from our doorstep, wash her mouth out and chastise her son for provoking the incident. She went wild as she walked away saying ‘I happen to know you are up to your eyes in debt just to make the rest of us feel you are better that us’ my mother calmly informed her sardonically that it was all paid for with cash and she would show her the receipts but she knew she could not read (Liz was in fact illiterate). I am not sure if that snapped something within her but for the rest of that summer the woman went on a fisticuffs frenzy fighting women physically .

My mothers best friend had decided not to have anymore children due to the fact her youngest had cerebral palsy and she adopted two girls, again darren instigated a fight with one of them and my mothers friend called upon liz to ask her to control her son to which her reply was ‘ at least I lay down and had my kids’ which was when it got physical- the fight lasted a good 15 minutes all the way across the road into my mothers friends garden and when she went into the house and closed the door Liz smashed her fist through the glass and opened the door and went in the house to finish off the fight. A neighbour ran in to stop it . She went on to fight several other neighbours and nearly met her match in one of them which seemed to put a cap on it all. Thing is if it was today the reality of it is that Liz would be sued for slander , breaking and entering and GBH and most likely doing time. She still lives next door to my mother and they both chat now and then .

My mother is not one for holding grudges and am proud to say not one for cat fighting. But as I grew older I somehow understood why Liz was the woman she was; married to a wife beater, had 6 young children estranged from her intimate family and struggled to do something as basic as shopping and her body was ravaged with psoriasis. I am sure there is a lot more that this woman was suffering from but understanding the marquis of queensbury rules was not one of them.

Monday, December 4, 2006

The Satanic Julie Andrews

I posted this last year in January , It made me laugh today , I think having read all the tags and meme's this is a sure fire way not to get memed. I must have been in a foul humour writing with the expletives but they remain here just to display the essence of my then bad mood.....

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens' .. Yeah right - heres my boiling point pissing off factors Maria - Take it to the Mother Superior and the Von Crapp Kids See if you guys can make up a bleedin song about these..

1 Fake smiles - I hate them and seem to be adourned by the skinny vain tea stained tanned bints who throw back there heads so their mouths look like bucket brims and as they bring back their heads to 'toss their hair' in full bounce flirt mode - in all my fucking life Ive never been given any genuine reason to laugh like that and Ive been around some funny people and listened to comic genius such as bill hicks - these people as my father would say (who is a comic genius in his own right) should be dragged out and publicly pissed on.

2. Public toilets - especially the befouled and unflushed variety- I can handle the vague smell of urine hanging in the air, the occasional wet bog roll on the tiled floor and no soap - but please dont piss on the floor, shit on the seat or smear the mixture giving the phone number of your enemies choice on the door infront of me and while Im at it Im not interested in whos a slut - whos got a small one and who loves who. Keep your vile faecal perversions to the confines of your putrid bedrooms please.

3. cars not indicating - this is the reason why I suffer road rage - Im telling you I will wind up in jail over these thoughtless bastards.

4 inanimate objects - everything from tv remote acting possessed , mops and sweeping brushes refusing to comply with resting in the corner, to the george foreman taking the piss and not doing what its supposed to do - working and plotting against you. These objects cultivate the rage of the common man.

5. Small minded people- Do I really need to devote any blog space to these ignorant hicks?

6. Being told to 'shush' - do it to me and Ill snap your neck like a cabbage stalk - you have been warned..

7 drunks with big yaps. I dont care what the booze made you say- if you said it- You'll pay for it when youre sober and have the gait of a rummy after you incur my wrath


Friday, December 1, 2006

Dali & the 80s

The difference between false memories and true ones is the same as for jewels: it is always the false ones that look the most real, the most brilliant.

Salvador Dali

If you remember the music of the 80s with rose tinted spectacles try http://www.1500videos.com you could cringe along to the tunes you thought made you one cool sob

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Juggling the impossible

I hate that I cant be there for my family and I have to work. My Chap needs a break and my Daughter Luci has a cold.

This video is of her favourite band Gorrilaz (yes at 3 she has all their albums and their videos have a stun gun effect on her aswell as her sister)

So this is for Luci & Ryan. Sorry Im not there and in this crummy place..

Tuesday, November 28, 2006


If you are feeling down this is a good way to forget all your troubles albeit momentarily

Lord Have Mercy

Theres no way Gods letting this guy into heaven

Monday, November 27, 2006

Where Hate never takes a holiday

Im taking a minor rant here be warned...

I must be one of the few women in this world that dislikes shopping. Is it something that my DNA is lacking? Im not quite sure but I think I suffer pavement rage and to endure the ever increasing number of shoppers with the pending spending frenzy of christmas is not something I am looking forward to. If I hadnt maxed out my credit card I think I would be pretty organised and blaise about the whole event but even grocery shopping is bring out the Dr Evil in me.

Now its not so much the numbers that makes me want to kill with my bare hands its the lack of manners that seems to be norm for every sodding woman with either grey hair or the mature 'well turned out' fraternity. This is the very generation that beat manners into their children and yet the first sign of a silver hair its a licence to do what ever they damn well choose. An ever growing hatred in my heart blossoms constantly for these sorts.

If its not stopping in the middle of the grocery isle chatting to the other biddies with their shopping carts clogging up the whole flow of traffic (and if you say 'excuse me please could I get by' they look at you as if you have ten heads)its them skipping Ques and generally pushing you aside. Im the idiot that usually holds the door open for people until theres no one else but me to go through the door and not one of them will say thank you! Although I live in Dublin city sometimes its not always conducive to walk back home. The shopping maybe too heavy or the weather too bad and Ill catch the bus, as its the middle of the city it my route seems to be exclusive to the blue rinse brigade and although they hobble and drag themselves to the bus stop as soon as they see the No 3 its like feeding time in the serengetti. My parents instilled a good mindset of manners into me and I would always be the one to give up my seat to someone, man or woman if they needed a seat but the last time I was on the bus I offered my seat to a woman of about 60 and I was met with ' No , Im perfectly capable of standing on my own two feet' to which I replied 'Im sorry to have wasted good manners on someone like you'. Needless to say I get a taxi from now on. After this weekend, as the shopping gets thicker and nastier in my capital city I think Ill be bringing a zippo and a can of hairspray on my shopping excursions.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

A slice of turkey from Aucturas

To all who read my blog and comment on it from the US Happy Thanksgiving hope you enjoy your holidays as they say here Slainte!

Secrets of the Strange

When I first returned from living in the UK I was a bit of a mess for about 8 months to be honest. I had left behind me some really sublime memories that where coated with deep deep heartbreak , my grandfather had died also and I moved into his house. In order to get my life back on track I concentrated on getting my own stamp on the house, get a job and get myself some hobbies and interests since my friends had all virtually settled down.
One day whilst walking around the city I seen a poster for ‘ Jim Rose - secrets of the strange’ tour. A voice in my head screamed ‘Cooooooool!!!!!!!!’ and I promptly decided to ditch the idea of getting any groceries and spent all my money on two tickets to see this master of illusion.

Tickets firmly in hand I danced with excitement all the way home and went about the business of thinking who I could bring. Bare in mind I was only home around a month and getting back in touch with people when I was feeling low seemed like a tall order for me, to be honest my self esteem had taken a firm beating and I just thought people would have the ‘ Oh youre back now and you want us to socialise with you when you where away for so long ' mentality(we are a great race of be-grudgers we Irish)‘ but how and ever I rang up a couple of friends who I was close enough to that would be far from that train of thought. The first reply from one friend was ‘ you want to go and see Who? Are you fuckin mad Jude? The second offer was greeted with ‘Theres no bleeding way youre going to get me in the same room with that guy’..

I found myself thinking ‘Jesus my friends were a bunch of sissies’. I looked closer to home and since my sister was living in new york and my brothers still chided me for being in the Bram Stoker society I thought I would have to bring someone wet behind the ears as far as Jim Roses reputation was concerned. Can you think of the least suspecting person you would bring to such a spectacle?? Three little letters M- U- M. Yes here was someone who was oblivious to all that Jim Rose and his carny family stood for. I rang her up , gave her a little warning that it was on the line of sword swallowers and contortionists and I tried to fight back the howls of laughter when all I could see was Mr Lifto in my minds eye..
My Mum is so cool in many ways, like all good mothers shes got mountains of wisdom in a single sentence, and is well versed in the ways of the world and knows to a certain extent theres a seedy side of life out there but bless her nothing prepared her for her nights entertainment with her daughter. When we got to the venue it was perfect. Tiny little tables dotted the open plan ‘stage’, purple lights dimly lit but added incredible ambience and overhead on the PA was ’Deadbolt’ - a voodoo rockabilly band which exuded 50’s kookiness in a macabre way. I was like a child at Christmas eve, so excited with anticipation. My mother who had heard a little bit about Jim Rose from my elder brother was a tad apprehensive , I lied through my teeth telling her she had nothing to worry about.
There were about a hundred and fifty people in the ‘intimate’ theatre but the tables where well spaced out and we where lucky (?) enough to get one near enough the front, the rest of the audience where on staggered seating at the back. The lighting changed from purple to midnight blue and the show began. No dramatic entrance which I thought showed style, Jim simply appeared from behind the curtain, told his story of how he came to be in the profession he had found himself in and proceeded to show some of his party pieces for example chewing razor blades and swallowing them on a string and bringing them back up, putting a fork up his nose. I looked over to my mother who was goggle eyed in amazement and smiling like a Cheshire cat.

As far as my mother was obliviously concerned the worst was yet to come.

He introduced the next act who took a couple of minutes to come on stage and in the fleeting interval my mother whispered to me ’this is amazing, did you see him with the string of blades? Mother of jesus!’ I was delighted she was enjoying it albeit in a ironic way. Then a guy called Pyro came on and generally showed his abilities his tongue could withstand when it came to putting out cigars , a hot iron and those gas burners one uses to caramelise crème caramels. You cant help but ask yourself over and over again how these guys discover their talents??

Then Mr Lifto came out on stage, I had to tell mum about him, but I only told her when we got there, she had seen him on a Friday night late night tv show before with a couple of irons dangling from a coat hanger that was secured through his nipples. Mr Lifto proceeded to tell the audience that this was his first attempt to lift since he ripped his scrotum whilst touring with Nine Inch Nails. My mother thought he ripped it with nine inch nails. He was using elephant tape on his member as a precautionary measure and proceeded to lift 4 cavity blocks much to the ladies bemusement and the gentlemens anxiety.

I guess the cruscendo for my mother came when Bebe,Jim's Wife came out with an angle grinder and a bucket of champagne and ice , she and another girl did a slot with the bebe angle grinding away on a groin plate she was wearing and then her assistant carved her initials with a chainsaw in an apple she was holding in her mouth, all very fine and dandy and THEN the girl pulled back the leather skirt she was wearing and hooked the ice bucket with champagne on to her ring that was hanging from her nether regions, and swung it happily like a young child in a playground! The look of shock on my mother was something to behold.. Still mum tried to take it in her stride..
When the show finished Jim Rose announced that there would be on sale a limited number of books available to buy and some of the performers would be in the bar of the venue to sign them. Mum waited in the eves with a brandy. I was one of the first to get mine signed. The highlight for me was that Jim called me beautiful and asked me , yes me to go party with them!!. And when Pyro was signing my book he told me his room number in the hotel they where staying (it was great to know I had still got the ol black magic). Then it dawned on me...As you know my mother was with me and as she lived a good 15 miles away , I remembered seeing my mothers car keys on the table as soon as Jim gave me the invite DAMN I had no other choice but to go home , I couldnt rush her home and tell her I was going partying with those guys she would have had kittens! (and Jim would probably sign her up). The next day in work she was telling her friends in work what she had seen and she told me her street cred had shot up with the younger members of staff, she said she would go again when they came and she would be bringing her friends too. I on the other hand got so much more out of it and it did my self esteem the power of good.

Monday, November 20, 2006

Wish upon a star

It was my birthday yesterday. One of the gifts I recieved from my beloved was a tattoo/piercing gift certificate.. Even at 35 I dare not tell my mother..
One of the nicest things about my birthday was that there was a meteor shower in the early hours of the morning , the Leonid Meteor shower happens once every 30 years and apparantly because of all the crap in the atmosphere this one would probably be the last one to see with the naked eye. I checked out the weather it said cloudy but I held out my hopes. At 5am I went downstairs opened my front door and went out to the balcony. There was a break in the clouds and I seen one. Call me a dreamer but I made a wish.

Friday, November 17, 2006

I say chaps steady on

Im 35 on Sunday wouldnt mind having what they're having to celebrate LOL

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

You Decide

Showman or Genius ?

I wonder if they sell these in Sharper Image - Making one looking either incredibly Lazy or cool as Fuck


this may take a little time to load up but trust me its soo worth it

New Beats

Ive changed the look and sounds on the player I hope there is a sense of joy /discovery for everyone that reads this blog in the tracks that Ive chosen. Ive got 5 more to add so its still not final. Enjoy!

And the Oscar Goes to.....

Did you ever have one of those days when the bed was too warm? Those raindrops outside fell a little too hard on the window pane and the slow low growl of the wind was an omen for worse weather to come, when you held your bladder to the point of pain rather than leave the cocooned hibernation to the dirty mornings weather?. This was just one of those days. I was 14 years old, I had the worst day of the week in timetabled lessons ahead of me; Double period of Maths followed by double period of Gaelic and after lunch was Physical Ed and a double period of Home Ecconomics. I just couldnt face it and knowing that my friends in school where going to try and 'pull a sickie' for the day in it, also did not give me the incentive to face the day without the comedic comeradary we braved on such days.

What made it even harder for me that I would have to convince two parents not one, that I was too unwell to attend school. It was a tall order and under the merciless scrutiny of my father who was on shore leave it did not bode well to accomplish such a fete. I lay in bed wondering how on earth I could give a convincing yet empathetic performance. Everyone was still asleep and it was about 6:30am. No use in feigning a tummy ache I would have to go through the motions of getting dressed and being pushed out the door under tearful protest of my general wellbeing. No, such a morning would warrant something that little bit extra..

It was a 'eureka' moment, suddenly in few seconds my questions where crystalised in an antidote for the performance of my life to date. I had little time to execute my plan so I pushed back the covers and gently padded down the stairs so as to keep my slumbering family in situ. First things first, from under the sink I pulled out a stainless steel bowl, this was used on such occasions where a bucket was being used to mop the floor or if someone was unwell and needed to vomit and was too ill or too far away to make it to the toilet. Yes you guessed it I was making up my own vomit from everyday ingrediants in the kitchen. You heard correctly , too much of a coward to try and make myself sick by jamming my fingers down my neck and to be honest it seemed too much trouble , besides I love a challange and I wanted to see how well I did in the special effects department ( hey I was 14 and needed to get career motivated, seek out a vocation so I could drive my studies towards) Now for consistancy I used 'ready break' which is kinda fine flaked oatmeal. I needed something for color -1000 salad island dressing complete with little 'lumps' to give it a 'gruel' texture and for extra consistancy and scent - stewed apple (home made apple sauce) and vinegar was applied. And the finishing touch warm milk to infuse and curdle.

'jude' I said to myself 'You're a fucking genius!' the plan was to walk by my mother as she made her way downstairs and walk to the bathroom to flush it down the toilet.I heard shuffling upstairs, Mum was getting up , I tickled my throat with two fingers to give gagging sound effects as her bedroom door opened. At the crucial moment she hit the last stair step I walked by her 'whats that she said 'Ive just got sick' and I emptied the concoction down the toilet when I came out Mum said ' go on back to bed' inside I punched the air and I passed my father on the stairs, he looked at me suspiciously , it unnerved me. Around Noon time my father came in to the room and said I dont know how you did it but you fooled your mother but not me, but I cant be angry at you - full marks for trying and he cackled laughing going out the door, I was rumbled but I knew when he left the room his admiration for me had hit new levels

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Waiting room of the world

Nothing is inspiring me at the moment in otherwords Im feeling very hum-drum this weather, nothing inspiring rolling around in my head with the exception of the anal retentive facts that I collect from time to time , maybe if I unleash them Ill be able to remove the mental block...

The Eiffel tower grows in the summer
Oh Yes one wonders is it because of the sexy reputation paris has but infact the huge structure grows with the heat in the summer a full seven inches which is the average that would please any madame!

Redheads are notoriously difficult to operate on
Not because the are prone to bad tempers but more so because they are more sensitive to pain and need more anaesthetic... Ginger wingers!

A flushing Loo is a cinema taboo
No one dared spend a penny on celluloid until Alfred Hitchcock caused controversy in Psycho never mind the 'horrific' murder scene or the fact Janet Leigh was having promisquous sex, the offending public just did not want to hear the crapper being flushed.

If you could see as well as the Wide Field and Planetary Camera on the Hubble Space Telescope, you would be able to read the fine print on a newspaper one mile away!

What is the dot over an 'i' called
A tittle, sounds a bit rude does it not.

Centuries ago, purchasing real estate often required having one or more limbs amputated in order to prevent the purchaser from running away to avoid repayment of the loan. Hence an expensive purchase was said to cost "an arm and a leg."

Hmm I think Ive bored you enough..

Monday, November 13, 2006

Check out my BoomBox


Sorry Like my new MP3 player ? just a sample of some of the music I listen to and until I transfer all my classics to MP3 format (and Im hoping my man will help me out again as he has to take credit with helping to load it up thanx hunnee Mmmwahh) the tracks are not in preference nor is it a final playlist.

Seriously if any of you guys reading this listens to it let me know any of the tracks you enjoy!

Wednesday, November 8, 2006

Life expectancy

Ill wipe this after a couple of days, just a nifty little number and the vids a giggle

On a dark winters night

A little movie was on Film Four just before Halloween, Now me and my chappy are quite partial to the asia extreme releases and this one was more or less on our collection list to buy . But on a cold winters night and you want some psychological horror Jigsaw I recommend this one, the montage of the movie is haunting,rich and beautiful and its accompanied by music of Heather Nova. And If you like the music and want to download more I reccomend her oyster album

Tuesday, November 7, 2006

Ill Prepared & Ingrate

I say it every year like a mantra on the 26th of December - next year Im going to start preparing things in June to get organised for christmas. This year I feel horribly unorganised. As with everyone more finances would be welcome to lighten the load. I remember you couldnt find anyone more organised than I when it came to the festive season, I also would spend hours constructing elaboratly decorated parcels for my friends overseas but that was me as a single woman with free time, no kids, no step children and no extra family. My children are at that age also that they are between toys so to speak, the stuff thats out is either too old for them or too old hat, Id really love to get them something thats durable , that they cant eat without electrocuting themselves, they cant use as a blugeoning instrument and more importantly educational and fun..

I think christmas was very easy for me as a child, anything I usually asked for I got which was really cool of my parents I mean there were five of us, ireland was still considered to be a third world country and there was a recession on, luckily for Dad he was head waiter on a state Ferry restaurant that so many people escaped on immigrating to the uk looking for work to send back money to support families; Dad would make a weeks wages in a days tips alone and with the benefits of duty free and goodies/perks of the job our family were considerably more comfortable than most.

I can only remember having my nose put out of joint twice when I was a child at christmas; Once when my brother got an 'action man/ GI Joe' tomahawk helicopter, it was huge and fairly impressive, I was in that stage where I was tiring of dollies and the tomahawk had that je nais se quoi factor to it. Like I said it was impressive, buttons, functions and incapsulated the same awe and wonder to me as it did my brother. I swooped in for the liberation of this mechanical beast when my brothers guard was down (probably was in the bathroom at the time). I ran upstairs and hid it in the airing cupboard. I can still see it now covered in an orange candlewick bedspread , propellers sticking out, a snotty tearful younger brother and my mother pointing at it yelling at me..After that he guarded it with his life.

The other incident happened much later on, more or less when I was about 13. It was the early 80s I had just started a new school, punk, new wave and dramatic colors where the norm for my peers. Boots which was a huge drugstore company in england had a pretty impressive make up campaign on the tv and I wanted to be painted like an in'jin. My sister who is a year older than me , who had no interest in make up at all got a box set of big Boots make up! Oh the indignity I felt!!! This was at a stage where I knew that father christmas did not exist so the people resposible for the scenario where my parents. A cutting look that only Damien Thorn could exhude was given and my face clouded like a madagascan thunder storm. I felt robbed - I was more deserving of this gift! How could they do this to me? Oh yeah I was pretty ungrateful that day to say the least I screamed into my pillow to alleviate the stress and to add insult to injury my sister would not let me have ' a go ' with the make up, I was merely allowed was to gaze at it misty eyed. I have no doubt now what my parents did was right, I wanted to be Toyah at 12 years old. I cant remember what I got for christmas that year but my Dad still chuckles out aloud when he recants the tale.

Monday, November 6, 2006

You couldnt make this shit up...

My boss's son and his girlfriend has angered a big time lunatic in the criminal underworld of Dublin by selling her story to a national rag about his paedophile past. There is every chance this guy will seek retaliation in the form of a torching of business or knee capping. Which ever method he chooses I for sure do not want to be witness to it..

Wednesday, November 1, 2006

While youre waiting..

Im in the middle of writing my next post here at work (tee hee) until then heres some little laughs for you, note the belgian chat hosts reaction!

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

St Bodolphs

If Grace Dieu was uneventful to a newbie such as I in the SPECTA group then St Bodolphs was a baptisim of fire as far as phenomena was concerned. This was an overnight job and quite a fair treck away from Leicester. At the meeting prior to the outing we discussed several reports of investigations that took place there from various groups like ourselves. This promised to be an eventful night by past accounts and although we researched up on the church none of us were prepared for the turn of events from the moment we set foot in the place.

I was very interested in Masonic symbolisim in architecture and was particularly keen to see all the symbols that where inscribed in the stonework and the crude satanic symbols also. As soon as we pulled up to the place I was struck by its complete isolation of its location , well away from any centre of population in fact it stood alone and surrounding it was about a hundred or so acres of wheat fields. There was a beaten path to the gatehouse of the church where we met the Church warden Ralph Benton, 65, who warned us "Satan worshipping has gone on. They come from Grimsby in the evenings, light fires and write symbols on the walls, I have gone to the church at three in the morning to try to move them on, but they swear at me so I don't like to go. I might get knifed'...I had come across such individuals such as satanists in the past before, I did not find them intimidating at all no matter what time of the day it was the only thing I found scary about them was their lack of objectivity.. Anyway St Bodolphs church gained the name as the Demon church as it was regularly used by Satanists in the latter part of the 70's and 80's and in 1998 it looked like it was still a regular place of worship if you'll pardon the pun. I was first to go inside, the church had been subject to mindless vandalism; one of these attacks resulted in the font being pushed from its pillar to shatter on the brickwork floor. The floor itself was covered in dessicated bird skelletons and feathers, hard veins of wax clung to the floor where makeshift altars of bricks lay and poorly painted pentagrams where daubed upon the stone arches. Our Group 'psychic' and the rest of the group went outside to recce the place and I stayed inside. It was still very much daylight and I just wanted to get a general 'feel' for the place. After a few moments or so I thought one of the group had turned on a radio in their car, as I stood under the belfry I could hear a distant beat, a beat that you could only akin to 'rave' music or what I call car alarm music (one sounds the same as the other) but as I listened this seemed to get louder and faster, Like a heart beat, this was too perplexing for me - as I tried reasoning;A we where out in a remote hamlet surrounded by acres of land, B it was a summers evening and there wasnt a mere hint of wind about (the air was like soup with the sultry day that was in it)but as it got louder I also dismissed it could be sound carrying from a parked car somewhere .I went outside, everyone was just chatting opening up their rucksacks, checking for equipment etc I asked them all to step inside and make sure it wasnt me hearing the blood rush inside my head. With no bell in the belfry and no sign of bats up there (still no pun intended)and no wind it was decided with the zero possibilty of the building, wind and tempature making this sound we couldnt explain it. All of a sudden it stopped after a few moments of us all listening. I asked Ralph later about the most 'recent' internments in the graveyard outside where he told me they where unnamed sailors from the war who where washed up on shore and buried there. I wondered if the malevolent forces that where reputed to be here, be a result of their restless souls to be with their kith and kin, who knows I thought..

We waited for the twilight to come and we set up the equipment and did several small vigils.Inside Andrew, John and I set up the video camera , camera and various object tests. In the recess of the church some mist was forming, we were about to dismiss it but looking through the lens we could see tiny flecks of light within the frame and two orbs of light(something which later freaked most of us out when we inspected the footage; apparently what they are discribed as RODS.) As it was a saturday night; the youth of Louth in the linconshire wildes, where the church is located, decided to drive down and inform us that they where the satanists and to leave their church. I was opening the boot of the car to get the traction beam (good ol Johns shop) when two of our guys (ex army) sent the two carloads of drunken gobby youths on their ways when they told them that they where from scotland yard doing an investigation. It was there abouts when the Madness broke out, The psychic whos name escapes me now, we shall call her Beth, started to scream that she was being attacked (by some unseen force)and had fell to the ground- out cold while her husband tried to bring her 'out of it' John grabbed the beam from me and said there was something moving in the wheat fields at incredible rate , he shone the light and several of the group vowed that they seen something like a panther momentarily and one of the army lads roared 'jesus christ!', as he seen a hooded figure by the devils door of St Bodolphs. Beth came to and told us that she felt like she had been badly beaten up and wanted to sit in the car too scared to go back for fear of what might happen her. For about another hour all things seemed to be quite again, and then the noise of the heartbeat started once more. Everyone was really tired and cold and we decided to go home. I guess the scariest thing that happened for me is that John was falling asleep at the wheel of the car on the two hour journey home and we stopped by a cafe for some serious Java for him and respite. Beth came out of the ladies and told us she had a few unexplained bruises on her chest and her back and vowed never again to go back there..I enjoyed the adrenilin charged night and would love to go back there but it seems out of my reach for the moment..

Skidbrooke Church the stripped interior and the missing windows only serve to emphasise the magnificent structure of this church on the great Louth Marsh.The last service was held in 1964 and the church is now in the care of the Redundant Churches Fund.

Monday, October 30, 2006

Happy Halloween

I know I know its like Ive just discovered You tube and even as Im typing this my man is laughing out heartily as he was mentioned this to me last night when I was posting but honestly this is my last one (for the week)

Sunday, October 29, 2006

Genuine Face Value

A powerful video and song.

Lost in Translation

If you overlook the footage and just listen to the music (although it works exceptionally well married up to one another) I think youre inclined to agree that Christophe Beck is a name that we could possibly be hearing more of as a composer. I think its a beautiful piece and the fact that it was written for the buffy the vampire series just goes to show that Joss Whedon not only is one of the wittiest and articulate of writers in his genre but his eye for detail in every aspect of his productions is unique. Please dont knock buffy I think a lot of people dismissed it just because of its vampire angle...