Caretaking Goldfish

I havent posted for a few days, mainly because nothing much happened in the last couple of days . I wasn’t in the humour either because I was having a domestic- its all sorted out He was in a bad mood over his cannon I told him I wished he was obsessive about getting me an engagement ring as much as he was getting a camera. I didn’t mean to say it - it was one of those think aloud out sentences that you cant take back but you don’t give a shite that you’ve said it anyway. My shock statement seemed to put a stop to his gallop as would any bloke .. I must clean out the goldfish tank Ive been out of sync doing it because of my hand being kinda opened with the stitches and I didn’t want any fish crapiola getting in there and with my run of luck lately Id grow fucking giles and have an even shorter attention span than I already have…..where was I??? Oh right yeah the goldfish - Murdoc and Noodle, they are swimming around in a London fog at the moment and on Friday I took out the stitches myself at work - some of the guys at work watched when I did it and there was a certain measure of respect earned from this deed. Big burly builders like them should be scaffolding in floral dresses. One of the more timid ones called me sick for doing it myself. So now the fish are in for a slime clearout on a daily basis (with two fish it’s a lot of crapiola) The forgetting room it slowly slowly taking shape but it’s a massive undertaking with so much stuff to clear out and not having a point B for the point A to move it around. Everything is covered in sawdust. My Mum went off to new york yesterday for her annual shopping spree apparently its snowing there at the moment. Something that would upset me deeply if it was me going around NY I have terrible coordination in the snow and when I was in Canada the people put me to shame there - I remember shuffling around outside the street where my ex-fiancee lived and a guy jogged by- that’s sheer mastery for you. Read Ds Blog the other day - he seems to have embraced the fact that he could be teetering between this world and the next - I read on the bbc news yesterday some scientist / doctors did a study and if couples row for more than 30 mins the stress factor delays a wound from healing up to 24 hours. No wonder I was in such a jocker with my section when eibhe was born with colic the stress factor went through the roof and was 3 months before it closed up…

Cyber Alternate Universe

Napoleon crowned emperor in notre dame cathedral george seurat(painter) birthday

Have you ever played the alternate game by tapping your name into the search box of a browser and see who else shares your name and what profession they keep? Here is my alternate cyber family and their professions.
I am a feminist writer and head of an international law firm (two professions I would have to be coerced into) Im also an australian fibre artist in my part time too.
My Daughter Luci is a professional cricket player for the south african team
- While her sister has yet to make her mark in the alternate universe.
Ryan is a reporter in LA and when hes not doing that hes an artist for the house of windsor
Maureen my sister is a cellest and also serving time on death row
Wil, my brother is a corporate business director
John my younger brother is a catholic writer
patrick my youngest brother is a filmographer
my mother is a professor of sociology
and my father is a tenor
sounds like the most dysfunctional albeit successful family ever !
Strange thing about it in the cyber universe you can be whatever you want to be, I can have my own site and claim to have the looks of an amazon queen who is looking for an ideal husband but men are intimidated with my beauty when really my name is verne and I live with my mama in a piss stenched cabin in the everglades. Its gods gift to the walter mittys of this world, a place to find love and a place for prey of innocence and weak willed , a place for the lonely and bored- but if I was to condense it to one emotion or word its escapisim. We sit in front of our pcs to escape this world into a world far crazier and dangerous than our own. Jesus I better stop, Im bumming myself out here! I wonder what Bill Hicks would make of this cyber world I doubt he would notice as he would be too busy lobbying to get damien thorn out of washington. Bill, the feckless world needs you more now than ever - you are sorely missed...
My mother came home from Vegas this morning, She sounded wrecked but it was a once in a lifetime trip for her and so glad she enjoyed it so much. No doubt as soon as she has the minimal sleep she'll be scooting over to see the girls and get as much of a fix from them before she buggers off to new york on a mad shopping frenzy..

Insomniac Baby

Rosa Parks refuses to give up her bus seat - woody allens birthday Eibhe must have been eating coffee on the sly yesterday when ryans back was turned because nothing short of plank of wood and a blow to the head would have put her into an unconcious state last night. Everytime you try to give out to her or tell her to go 'bishy bye' (her baby speak for sleep ) she just stared at you mischievously and smiled as if to say no way. She is using that ploy way too much and knows that it makes us explode with laughter and we walk away expecting the other to be stronger of composition to deligate the verbals- but its getting increasingly difficult ..It was nigh on 11 before we got her up to bed and on those heals her sister wakes up - a supply of dosal will have to be got , its either that or cloraform....

Yule better watch out

St Andrews Day- Billy Idols Birthday - Cleopatras Anniversery-

My Christmas panic is starting to set in. Between getting everyone the right presents to hoping the girls dont injure themselves tipping the tree over on a daily basis. The main thing is that the girls are taken care of. Im really looking forward to the morning when the girls come down and find their toys, no doubt there will be a few blows exchanged between the two as their presents are very different and the war cry in strained high pitched panic 'stop it' from luci will reverberate around the room but if I have chosen well I dont have to worry about that.

What I want for christmas is just a few simple things for the house 1,that the room gets sorted out once and for all - it goes from bad to fucking nuclear winter in the space of a few days from getting in a touch organised to what the fuck happened in here? 2, one wall in the kitchen and the sitting room painted and thats it.. Not much of a list but with babies in the equation makes it damn near impossible to get the time to do it.

Anyway Ive 3 weeks to sort it all out we'll see if I end up spraying dopey fifty something blood on my excursions for the christmas presents for I have no patience for the ignorant impolite of that generation who should know better so thats the reason why I spend my saturdays mornings at 8am in the city centre avoiding feeding time in the commercial serengeti but one of these days Ill bring home a kill like an apache and start a collection if it gets any worse than last year.

eavesdropping for profit

Ive decided to have a conscientious stab at getting back to writing, since yesterday we got the wood for the forgetting room and I can set up my computer and desk so when the girls are asleep I can write. Now this blog is hardly an advertisement for my capabilities , but theres an ingénue in the making here and I want to take the literary world by storm. Brace yourselves people for the luminosity exuding from the bushel of my being in the next few months.

So concentrating on the dynamics of some characters that I have, I decided to eaves drop on the crowded bus on the way to and from work. Not a protagonist or antagonist amongst them with the exception of a chav family screaming at one another as to whos responsibility it was to stop their child running up and down the aisle of the bus, she was too interested in examining her dreads and he was too interested in listening to UB40 on his phone holding it aloft showing off - imbeciles - I felt like saying get off the bus Im not aspiring to be the next bleeding roddy doyle..

The Forgetting Room

I cant understand how those big gaps got in my last posts or indeed how to get rid of the bleeders. The weekend was a bit of a giggle. Just the same old stuff shopping ,cleaning, and the endless job that is the forgetting room. Anything and everything is hockied in there at the moment. Due to lack of storage - funny I never felt completely moved in to the flat - I suppose the reason why is that not all rooms are functional. At the moment there are 2 computers - an armless 2 foot plaster christ, boxes, mountains of vids and cds, a 28' tv huge desk a bunk bed and all our clothes Theres probably a few homeless people living in there too for the looks of the place.. For the past 6 months ryan has been organising it all but its only on a sunday he gets a chance to do it and until we sort out the storage - ie build a built in wardrobe we can only then get sorted.. D is back from the hospital -everything went fine. Next few months is going to be hard for him, I think he can handle the physical side of the healing but its his heart that needs more work to get him back on track - If he didnt have that on his plate I think he would recover at a speedier rate. Brought the girls to see santa yesterday - thought eibhe would need councilling afterwards with her dislike for strange men but they where both as good as gold and the photographer and santa both said they where two of the most beautiful looking children they had ever seen. All in the gene pool (mine LOL) the photographer said all women should have eyes like theirs so they can melt into them - do I have to pay extra for this bullshit I felt like asking him LOL

Baby its cold outside

Brrrrrrrrr ! I sit here in a draughty old office bored to tears and am not looking forward to going outside but its damned if I do damned if I dont.. I think the last entry was a little long but theres not many of you reading it as to my knowledge So should I really care?? Naw.. Last night was mainly uneventful we are still getting over all the hoofing and travelling and we both have agreed that we both felt we got the kicking of our lives having spent the night in our bed again - Hotel Waldstein certainly has upped our standards on comfy pillows and beds.. I may suprise ryan today and get him a new pillow (of the humongous variety) after work. Hes been hankering for some ever since we were picking out lucis new bed clothes from argos... Luci and Eibhe are back into the routine - being away from them for 3 days was weird - eibhe looks so big now even though she still looks like a munchkin and luci seems to be doing her own thing more and more now in a very grown up fashion - if they would only change their sleeping habits I would never want them to grow old and stay as sweet as they are..

Czech out my feet (aka I hate bleedin cobblestones)

It’s a nice feeling to come home and be able to walk without the gait of an old rummy that looks like they’ve been shot in the arse with a pellet gun. Never and I mean Never will I go any distance travelling without a comfortable pair of walking shoes. For the past three days have been agony and Ryan being the angel that he is, showed immeasurable patience with me. Now for those unaware, there is hardly a square inch of prague that has not got a cobble stone on its streets, It was a hard lesson to learn and a bigger one for my feet, christ knows how they got there -but the blisters didn’t develop on the back of my ankles or sides of toes - no, right between where the sole of the foot and toe pad meet- to be descriptive , like walking on salty bubble wrap - coupled with the cobbles, I was either feeling really sorry for myself or going fucking mad with frustration. I tried my best to keep these feelings to myself and not let it ruin things, especially for ryan. So how was prague you ask.? Breathtaking I have to say. But strange as it seems I wouldn’t live there. Now Ryan is all set to abscond the country to live there but A it’s a beautiful city no doubt about it but the winters are so harsh and we where in the touristy part of the city B the language barrier is huge and its apparently harder to learn than Russian C We had a comfortable amount of money, no children with us and the most romantic deluxe suite possibly in prague and to be fair ryan has not travelled much so I am not surprised that he feel in love with the holiday mode side of things ..I ,on the other hand am in ‘reality mode’ and have no intentions of uprooting the girls and myself to live in a strange land.. That aside We had a marvellous time just walking around blind in the city - going up little side streets , finding a cosy pub, imbibing the very palatable beer or two and back to the warmth and cosiness of our hotel in the evening. The last night we met one of ryans friends , Asitar, who works promoting bands of the metal variety over in the Czech republic- His English was limited and I felt very patronising talking to slowly (said I talk musch fast) to him in pigeon English but we had a meeting of minds when we discovered our ever growing hatred in both our hearts for rap music and in particular 50 cent (*extremely ugly - how you say? How you say? ….Black mastiff-says Asitar and then I tell him my theory of how someone performed skull replacement surgery on 50 cent and used a big mad cow skull in the procedure - seemed to understand and appreciate my humour on the subject. ) I was particularly amused by the way Czech people have embraced the slow westernisation of their country and the way they have used pigeon English to sell some things to the tourist punter such as in advertising jewellery with the caption ‘diamond brilliantly’ and ‘you don’t be fooled 0% commision’.. The girls where asleep when we got in so about 6am this morning luci gets out of bed and stands beside me beaming and whispers ‘awhh mama’ then eibhe wakes up shes hurdled into the bed between the two of us and we smother them with kisses and head down for the holiday booty which consist of kaleidoscopes , giggling cows and pigs, shrek stuff for luci and hazelnut wafers the size of dinner plates for eibhe. Tore me in two slipping out for work and leaving them this morning… Now its back to the grind stone where a flatulent wolf sits at the door waiting for the postman to call - I get a kick out of the sadistic dance she and the postman have, he opens the door a crack and slides in the post and she acts like a rabid dog from ‘the pack ‘ and demonstrates what she would do to him one of these days by shredding the fuck out of whatever letter has fallen . it’s the highlight of my day as this job goes..

Swinging from the rafters

We are here! The first night we got here it was raining and so so cold. Ryan was the first to open our hotel room which was a loft suite with twee windows and manic laughter came from his being. I was about a flight of stairs behind him trying to navigate without going on my ear on the small steps, as I came in there he was swinging from the wooden beams over our antique beds - it was the most beautiful hotel room Ive ever been in (not that I have been in many - Im a good girl) full of antique art nouveu furniture, religious pictures and god the place was like toast it was everything and more and when we tried out the bed, I was almost tempted to ask the receptionist to get me a cardiac doctor as I would have trouble getting Pearson out of the bed in the morning.

We where up about 10 and went down for breakfast which seemed more like a running buffet of cheese meat and pastries. I realised that my boots where not going to cut the mustard with the thousands of cobblestones that lay ahead and before we even got out I was already lamenting for my sensible shoes that lay under the kitchen chair in dublin. It was a slow days walking but we managed to hoof quite a bit, took in a boat ride around prague, had dinner and found a tattoo parlor that specialised in Gigers Alien tattoos Ryan is seriously considering getting one tomorrow before we leave.. (we have 8 hours to kill between checking out and into the airport..

today we are heading out to wenceles square and meeting up with some of ryans friends that he met out here whilst filming in prague. My he sounds so jet set and hoi poloi. We plan on getting a bottle of absinthe and holing ourselves in the room tonight with a deck of cards hopefully it will not be that bad tastewise..

Kitchen Sink drama

Now anyone who knows me knows that I do things with panache and style, Oh yes! No contented to let my relatively quiet birthday pass by, had to end up in hospital at 8am on the morning of us departing for Prague. I got the girls up as usual and was hollering to Ryan that this was no ordinary morning and to shift his arse into gear. My daughters usual fussiness when in came to breakfast egged me to decide to cut the bagguettes into sticks that I would toast and they would eat in a novel way. As I was slicing the bread over the kitchen sink (to catch the crumbs) The big fuck off sized psycho knife I was using caught a hard bit in the bread and I inched a bit of forced and hey presto blood everywhere! I looked at it and I knew instinctively that this was a hospital jobby. I had a little cry, Im not ashamed to say it - it was on the arch of skin between the thumb and forefinger and it was deep and I cried like a caught grass with don.. Ambulance came, went to A&E where I waited for about half and hour in the company of some mad bloke who was looking for someone to give him money for the coke machine and anyone who didn't where called a bunch of bastards. So there I was hand draped in blood soaked (no exaggeration) towel in my black nightie and wrap and he asks me 'scuse me honey have you got 2 quid for a coke' to which he got a reply 'Do I look like Im carrying money mate? And don't even think of calling me a bastard, infact don't speak to me or look in my direction right?!' I Was s in no mood for him so he went 'whew sorry I asked ' then proceeded to ask the same question to some guy with a northern Ireland accent , got no reply and called him a protestant bastard, to which he was then rebuffed with 'Ill put you in intensive care if you don't shut the fuck up'..

I told the nurses about my imminent departure and they kindly upped me on the cue. An hour later I was at home with 5 stiches and a host of dressings and antibiotics. So I half arsed packed and we headed to the airport leaving behind some essentials like decent footwear and warm clothes.. What was I thinking?

Wigs on the Green

Had to come into the city this morning to check and see if aer lingus have sent me flight information - bastards havent I have the reference number and if that isnt good enough to book in there will be wigs on the green and arses out the window as my dear ol dad says.. Birthday today the girls got me a crystal ball and a calander bless. Last night was a riot of laughter, Judas came down for a couple of hours and I was , a bit how shall we say, out of my face is the only way to put it.. Was great fun.. TBC....

Bed Language and Old Age

Once you have found the story that you want to tell, you must begin to think carefully about how you are going to tell it. By looking at stories which have been very successful, you can see which elements are crucial to maintaining a reader's interest this is the best reason to cease reading my blog, You may be brushed with the wings of comedy now and again but what this serves, to me personally , is for my own amusement -nothing more. No sooner had I left the office and walked to the bus stop I realised I had left my purse in my desk - Luckily and I do mean luckily, I had money in my pocket to get the bus home ( Remember the lost key incident from yesterday? Uh- huh, untold damage has been done to my bladder with the pregnancies, and me and the wino who usually clears a 3 metre radius on the bus would have made for two peas in a proverbial piss stinking pod) I RAN from the knees down to the sanctuary of my promised porcelin land when I got home. Now there are two faces Ryan has on him when I come home ; 1 Pleased and in good form or 2 Broken and a little tested- it was a touch of the latter Im afraid .. Anyone who has more than one baby under the age of 3 will tell you how much hard work it is and If they (the little monsters) are in bad form you can pretty much lay bets on the Parents is a few hurdles in front or behind their kid. I shooed him upstairs and let him chill out at his pc then in no time at all they where bathed and in bed. Ryan had an interview the next morning so it was kind of an early night for us. I couldn’t sleep for ages when we got up there I think what it was , was I half expected one of the girls to wake up which has been happening for 5 consecutive nights now , just as we got comfy one of them would wake up. So I lay there listening to all of them breathing, watching the shadows and felt ryans foot subconsciously stroking my toes as he fell into a deeper slumber- Its my favourite part of the day little moments like that, Ive been in enough relationships by now to know that the bed language between two people really does spell out a lot about the relationship. I actually giggled out aloud too thinking about this, we all at one time or another, have gone to sleep on an argument and when that happens both parties (depends on who feels more wounded I suppose) hang off either side of the bed. The unwillingness to be in close proximity of one another is bordering on comical - I often wish when that when it does happens , one of us falls out of the bed just to alliviate the situation - god it would be fuckin hilarious!! Im back at work here - the day is going slowish and this pc is giving me no end of hassle - Especially hotmail. Bastards wont let me print out my flight information for sunday so after a pleading call to my sister maureen shes printing it out on her reliable government laptop for me. I reckon Ill just take it easy here (boss is away) do a few doodles, some spider solitare, smoke illegally until 5 and take myself off home. Friday night is what ryan likes to call 'our night' so it maybe a take away, or a bottle of something (ameretto, baileys or bulls blood) but its always good. Tomorrow is my birthday - with every year that passes my inner child gets more and more disappointed, and the grown up in me looks for another ailment *Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart. ~Caryn Leschen* Im 34 tomorrow I have 12 months to find the elixir of life or what ever other chimerical illusion old farts seek.

Envy wears an ugly face

Well I have joined the online mass and decided to ramble about my daily business and my thoughts... I am in work at the moment - I work in a builders office (where everyone has tourettes syndrome ) pretty soon I will be going home to Ryan and the girls to start the daily routine of baths and cleaning up - so technically Im going back to my second job where I dont clock off untill 9 when eibhe falls asleep and Luci is tucked up in bed, thats when ryan and I put the world to rights , engage in addictive substances and conversation and have showers and turn in. Tonight though we will be getting our acts together packing wise for prague and scouring our place to make sure no incriminating evidence is around for my mother when she looks after the girls in our place when we are away...

Its the first time Ive been away in in years, and its our first proper holiday together, I know it wont be long enough. From sunday night to wednesday night - it sounds like its over before its begun. Maureen showed me a photo of a miniture castle herself and damien have hired out - looks wonderfully romantic - jammy bastards, they are like Judith Chamers and Alan whittaker these days -yes- envy wears an ugly face.

I wonder how D is recovering ? He was in a pretty bad way and nursing a broken heart to boot, pity theres no doctors sutcher that can mend that affliction.

Im in the wrong frame of mind to truly begin this today, its nearly quitting time, and the key to the office toilet is lost (my paranoid boss hides it to stop all those *dragged up animals* marking out their territory or making a dirty protest in the bowl). Ill just listen to Pink Floydds Wish you were here and momentarily dedicate it to the toilet key as I wait until 5pm and run from the kness down to my hygenic WC at home.