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Tuesday, October 24, 2006

I predict a riot!

Our Children like any other two and three year olds are boisterous at the best of times and considering the size of our house which is a tad bijou its not very hard for them to get under our feet. Now living in our house there is not much they are scared of, our decor is both theatrical with the fixtures and furnishings looking like they came off some hammer set, its wall to wall old books, candlesticks, gargoyles, guilt frame picures with the odd minature ye old guillotine , art nouveau and art deco advertising tin signs mottled around the place - in short they are desensitised to all things dark and scary. BUT they have but one fear.....

As the only grandchildren in my side of the family my parents are quite prone to bringing them candy whenever they visit, it maybe the odd lolly pop or packet of chocolate buttons and I was aware of them getting quite a sweet tooth. There is an ice cream van that comes around our way about 3 times a week mostly around what I call 'second wind wind down time' which is around 6:30pm, they have had their bath and are running around playing and chasing with na'er a sign of sleep on them. Around this time the tinkle of 'Nelly the elephant' or 'Pop goes the weasel' can be heard as he drives by our house and stops at the corner of the road where the chimes continue for about another fifteen seconds or so to alert children and give them ample 'hassle time' for a '99' 'screwball' or just a plain ol' ice cream. I didnt want my children to associate this noise with ice cream or give them that kind of torment so close to their bedtime, so one evening after a long day at work and back to the homestead of doing dishes baths diapers and bottles putting away toys and getting the place with some semblence of order I cracked a little to control the chaos my two where unleashing and gasped...

'Quick! On the Sofa! Listen.. its the Babycatcher! '

I can hear you dial child protection already.. But it worked - Now they didnt tremble in fear nor did they cry - they simply obeyed and it put a stop to their gallop. If it had been any other reaction that disturbed them I would have probably ran out and got them an ice cream with guilt but it still works, what ever they are doing they will stop in their tracks and the mythological baby catcher chimes will give them a conscience and behave. 'listen Mama ! Babycatcher' they wisper with wide eyed inquisitiveness and thats it. Dont get me wrong Our children are good kids they have they very very odd tantrum but they are just children doing their job discription and otherwise there is not a malicious bone in their bodies and will always apologise for their actions if they overstep their marks.

But to every lie you have to face the consequences and as soon as they find out what the baby catcher really does to make a few schillings well then , as Ryan and I our days are numbered and as I write this this kaiser chiefs song resounds in my head 'riot a riot I predict a riot'...


Hammer said...


My 5 year old was watching Teletubbies on public television one morning while I cat napped.

The show ended and next thing on the screen was a naked lady in the bathtub screaming and giving birth.

I dove for the remote contol franticly trying to change the channel for my sake and hers.

My daughters eyes were as wide as saucers. She asked me what was happening to that lady.

I told her thats what happens when you tell lies and don't clean your room.

Stucco said...

My grandfather told me when I was three that butterflies bite. Today I told my six year old son what pornography was.

slaghammer said...

When I was maybe 5 or 6, my old granddad told me that if I swallowed uncooked seeds, plants would grow out of my ears. I was very careful about not swallowing shit that might sprout for a few years after that.

Judith said...

Hammer that threat would work on me also my room would also be spotless and I would never lie again if I thought it would be a great form of birth control

Pray tell the story Id love to know how you explained it

I had a book in my childhood called goblin market by christina rossetti ( I still have it )and the illustrations in it where quite surreal with these goblin selling their juicy plums persimons etc to two nubile young girls (very allegorical it was too ) but the illustrations had the girls fingertips with roots sprouting out of them and I thought thats what happened if you ate the pips and seeds from fruit..