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Thursday, May 3, 2007


Bluebottles this side of the pond, Blowflies the other, Whatever the word you use for them I have a different one for them. Bastards.

I cannot even begin to express my loathing for this species and yes I would love to break the glass and use the reserve *c* word for these vomits with wings. In my last post I spoke of my love affair that I have with winter and colder days, I guess somewhere up the top of the list for reasons I love that time of the year is that these bastards are dying in their thousands.

I have this loathing ever since I was a small child. My brothers would take advantage of this hatred/ phobia of mine and take a blue and red pen and draw a squiggle on the corner of their rolled up marvel comics and come chasing me with the alleged squashed bluebottle. One night (summer dont you know) one was in my room, buzzing around, no amount of tea towel flicking or newspaper swiping would deter the annoying fucker out, so I sat beside the door waiting for it to fly out, it took nearly an hour and my mother came upstairs and asked what I was doing, I told her and she said I was mad, as soon as she said that it flew from my room to hers and all she could hear was a muffled 'I may be mad but he's your bleeding problem now'..

Where I work, outside in the salvage yard, the food for the dogs is prepared which consists of tripe and chicken. The mere smell of this cooking in the open air is enough to make a tramp gag and the carrion denizens come out in their thousands. Most days you will find me when not parked in front of the pc , I lie in waiting in various locations of the office with a patience and endurance I’m not known for, with anthing that qualifies as a weapon in my mission to cull this species. One of the many treats I give myself on hot days is to go outside and use the blowtorch on them. I apply the same level of coldness that any terminator would exude and bake the bejaysus out of them the acoustics of 'die you horrible bastards, die!' can be heard as far as a few blocks Im sure. I wont rest though until winter finally finishes the job for me.


Glamourpuss said...

Yes, they are vile - always remind me of death. But I can't bring myself to kill anything. Luckily, Mitzi Sparkle will launch herself into the air, swipe them, then eat them (blech).


Judith said...

Im not with the buddist way of thinking with these bastards - you have a kinder soul in comparison

Stucco said...

You've never heard of flypaper? A bug zapper? A swatter? Although, I like the style with the blow-torch. Any bug that doesn't bite or sting, I can abide, although if they keep buzzing near me, they hafta die.

When I was little, my grandfather told me that butterflies bite. I was fearful of them for years.

Anonymous said...

I try to think of them not being alive in the first place.
So when you hear that almost inaudible bone crushing and mixing with fly-flesh sound....

Its almost satisfying.

And then you target the next one.

Hammer said...

I usually kill them with something stupid like air freshener or hair spray

Judith said...

Why on earth would your grandfather do that!! LOL

I know who you are , give yourself up! Step away from the anonymity with your hands above you head

The important thing is that the DIE and thats a GOOD thing personally they should be doused in air freshner the stinking vile satanic butterflies that they are

My Reflecting Pool said...

You have a blowtorch? Kicka$$. Damn noisy bastards. You get em!

Judith said...

I thought Blowtorch Blow fly surely the two where meant for each other?? It is rather kick ass and if I want to get theatrical I can wear the welders mask for that firday the 13th/halloween vibe

General Catz said...

They don't really bother me, but i have the same paranoid hatred of the sewer roaches we have here. They're the size of a small puppy and always make me scream, jump and puke at once. They must die.

Crankster said...

I think this might help: I had one of these when I was a kid. It made flying vermin a lot of fun. The only downside was that I sometimes had a hard time waiting for bugs and would use it to whack my sisters.