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Monday, April 7, 2008

Open letter to Naomi Cambell

Dear morally vacuous featherweight coke-snorting spoiled-rotten demon-spawn Naomi Campbell

For some time now I have been barraged by the media with your scowl and tantrums. I did not go looking for it, somehow your stories took precedence over world peace, the starving and global warming in the news. Normally I ignore the courtship the media and you have but your most recent outburst and attack have made you uglier than I have originally thought you where (taking into account of your appalling level of conduct you should have gained the beauty of someone who stood beside the opening of the covenant). Lets take a look at your criminal history;

1998: Caused uproar on a plane when she lashed out at a passenger, saying: "You are an ugly bitch with a head like an alien."

2000: Pleaded guilty to assaulting her PA with a phone and threatening to throw her out of moving car in 1998. Ordered to attend anger management classes. A second PA also claimed she had been attacked.

Nov 2003: Sued by assistant, who claimed Campbell threw her on a sofa before keeping her hostage and throwing a mobile at her.

Aug 2004: Accused of punching and scratching housekeeper in New York.

Nov 2004: Accused of headbutting PA.

2005: Actress Yvonne Scio said she was left "covered in blood" after Naomi attacked her.

July 2006: Allegedly slapped assistant and beat her round head with BlackBerry. Settled out of court in June 2007.

March 2006: Charged with assaulting housekeeper with diamond-studded mobile, leaving 3in gash in her head. Sentenced in Jan 2007 to five days' community service.

Nov 2006: Accused of assaulting her drugs counsellor in London.

Being a somewhat fan of wrestling I believe I may have found you an anger management coach; I only hope your people contact her people to halt your temper tantrums once and for all.
Failing that , after a hard day with my kids I invite you to come to dublin where you can do your present community service and act as a conduit to my stress.




General Catz said...

That was great. Why this woman never ended up in prison for GBH is beyond me. Community service? Gee, that's rough. I hate that celebs don't have to pay the piper. If any of us had done all that stuff, we'd never be out of jail.

Glamourpuss said...

I reckon they should punish her by making her fly Ryan Air for evermore.


Flyinfox_SATX said...

Amen Judith...Amen!


Judith said...

You know it! We would get at least 5 years bird for doing just 1 of those things she has carried out

Puss she should be in with the livestock, Ryanairs too good for her and thats saying something

I think the splapper needs an excorcisim

Hammer said...

She never moved past her terrible twos...

Anonymous said...

Oh my! Aren't we a vicious journalist? A great deal of objectivity in this article! If it were not for the fact that I have met Naomi I might be tempted to believe it. LOL But all you haters and racists here have not doubt never had that pleasure. But let it stand for what it is! A piece of racist trash that proves the source of Naomi's problems

Anonymous said...

British Airways is the laughing stock of the aviation industry. They are guilty of cover ups to hide their incompetence and poor customer service having been worst in the industry for over six years in a row. Naomi Campbell is not the only person they screwed. Kate Moss got left in LA crying without 8 pieces of her luggage within the same time period but she did receive much better treatment than Naomi Campbell! They we have a double standard for "White" Supermodels? Kate also got much better treatment then all the other thousands of passengers British Airways has abused. It's no surprise they are facing a class action lawsuit in the USA.

Judith said...

Firstly everyone has a right to their opinion but by christ you have a damned cheek to call my writing racist! NOWHERE and I mean nowhere is there any reference to her color of skin - you know what save your rants for someone who is actually racist then your argument may actually cause some kind of weight and while your at it why dont you bolster your opinion that she has a bleeding heart when she seems to lash out violently at people - if she has a chip on her shoulder about the ratio of white/black models in the limelight let her carry on her crusade but in the meantime let her act in a civil manner whilst doing so if she is examplify what black beautiful women are.

R said...

I can call you Asshole, can't I? Really, lets be honest, now. If you don't have the balls to sign your own name when you accuse someone of being racist, Asshole, then you obviously don't carry much conviction behind your beliefs? Correct or not, isn't that true, Asshole? Either have the bollocks to stand by your words or bend over and take it like the gay-media-whore that you clearly appear to be, Asshole.

You'll notice I provided my name... Asshole.

Suolas said...

Oh, and I like you even less now that you seem to know(or met once, asshole) and care more about petulant, bad tempered brats like 'Poor, innocent' Naoimi and Coke Moss... there's more serious matters in this world MORE NEWSWORTHY than some trollops over priced, over weighed, over glamourized and over stylized baggies not accompanying her matchstick-skinny, fingers-down-the-throat-til-it-spews ass to her next ridiculously paid modelling job. Lets break this down so even the most basic of life-forms, like your run-of-the-mill asshole can understand, ok asshole? Does or can a 6ft 15lb model solve world hunger? Are they engineering a cost effective way to generate heat and power while sustaining the environment and rain forest? or how about just simply, do they do anything for the benefit of mankind (not just the ugly, single and never will lose their virginity mankind, like you, asshole) No? Nothing? No witty retort? Ok Asshole? You seem Stumped (Not a dwarf are you?), at a loss for words?
If you knew anything about writing and journalism and the difference between the two you would most probably notice that Judith is not a Journalist, she doesn't give a fuck who's snorting their weight in coke, who's sucking which footballer off. Unlike the over-abundance of Journalists, Judith Clearly Is Not A Journalist, she is a WRITER and enjoys doing so. Pricks...sorry ASSHOLES like you need to take that Politically Correct Sign you keep waving and shove it down your throat, Asshole, As you clearly have no idea what a journalist is, what a writer is, what a coke snorting trollop is, what Political Correctness is nor what an asshole is (Little clue, You Are The Asshole, asshole.)

culturegeist said...

Well I was searching for a nice picture of Naomi to post on my own blog and stumbled on to your open letter to Naomi.

That's good stuff, it's 1:51amET here in New York and I've got to be back at my crappy job in the morning but it's worth sacrificing REM sleep to not only read your humorous post but find others who find NC's behavior bizarre, anti-social, petty and outrageous.

I think 'anonymous' was a bit off the target with the racism swipe, I'm an African-American guy and I blog about race quite a bit.

Naomi's behavior (*see petulant, self-absorbed child-woman)has nothing to do with her race.

She works in an industry that's often shallow and superficial yet determined to be regarded as much more critical to mass-culture than it really is.

I mean, who gives a fuck who invented the trench coat?

People are starving, oil and consumer prices are skyrocketing and unemployment is on the rise here in America as in many other parts of the world; and we've got thousands of dead US and British soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan AND Bush in office until January, 2009!

I for one was nauseated by the amount of mainstream media coverage of Naomi's meltdowns and her 'appearance' at Uxbridge magistrate's court in West London received - just before she got..more community service! That's what she needs.....

I mean, hello? Zimbabwe? Guantanamo Bay? Naomi?

One of these things is not like the other...

Anyway, speaking of black models who DO have all the proverbial cans in their six-packs....Cathy Horyn wrote a pretty insightful piece in last Thursday's New York Times on how the fashion industry treats models of color


If you want to look at where race really IS a consideration...hope the link works it's late and I'm a bit foggy...