Through the tears

My Dad is extremely prudish, in fact I remember when we where kids, if any sign of nudity or talk of sex the newspaper would be raised to camouflage his beetroot hue, or he would walk out of the room saying nothing. He is old fashioned in that respect, its just around his kids or daughters he was like that I expect. So you can imagine how surprised and taken aback I actually was when he relayed the following story last Sunday to me.

The scene. My mother sitting at the dining room table leafing through the newspaper before settling down to the crossword.

Dad; Monica I literally have a pain in my arse, I think its those new underpants, it just feels so uncomfortable down there

Mom ; I have the very thing for you

fetches a spray

Mom; Now you would be better off spraying this on some toilet paper and applying it

Dad ; right so

My dad trusts my Mom with everything, down to choosing his clothes to giving him unprescribed painkillers/medication.

Dad did what he was told for the application, he liberally sprayed the toilet paper and made first contact, a white hot pain coursed through his arse, his eyes went like knobs on a church organ and to quote unquote,his toes curled so much that he 'pulled the bleeding tiles off the floor' .

Through the high pitched howls and the tears he looked at the offending spray which stated its main medicinal purpose was for athlete's foot and for jock itch. I think my dads tushy problems where misinterpreted wildly by my mother due to my dads communication breakdown to precise the area and the symptoms. Dad said he shuffled back to the kitchen 4 hours later to find out what the fuck (in his words) my mother was exactly playing at.

Relaying the events to my mother nearly gave her a migraine from the laughter. My dad did not move from his seat for the rest of the day and he said he felt like the was sitting on machette blade.


He said he couldn't watch the tv either through the tears.

Poor bastard.