1. I can't believe that out of 10,000 sperm, you were the quickest.
2. I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
3. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
4. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
5. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
6. Let me guess — home-schooled?
7. Whoa, what do we have here, a Baldwin brother?
8. I know you are, but what am I?
9. A sniper wouldnt take you out youre that ugly
10. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
11. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
12. Well, you probably said it without thinking, the way you do most things.
13. I'm not offended by what you say. I'm just glad that you're stringing words into sentences now.
14. I could have been your dad but the dog beat me over the fence.
15. I’m busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?
16. If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person alive.
17. What's your problem, wake up on the wrong side of your mom this morning?
18. Looks like somebody needs a huuuuuuug!
19. Save your breath, you're going to need it to blow up your date.
20. A little knowledge is a dangerous thing, but I don't suppose that's a problem for you
21 comments:
Priceless.
Now I'm going to have to meet someone nasty to use them on.
You can definately use a few on Samantha Hammer
hahahahahahhahaha! I can't tell you how hard I laughed!!! I like the home schooled comment. and the I could have been your dad one. *wipes tear*
Olives
I put my own one in *grin(see the sniper one)
Might I suggest a pocket-sized, laminated version for on the spot delivery? I can never remember such things in the heat of the moment.
Puss
These are my favorites, from the Young Ones. But the timing is hard to anticipate:
Neil: Surprise! It's my birthday!
Mike: You already knew that and we don't care, so where's the surprise?
I assume that this could be modified for things other than birthdays.
2nd one:
Rick: I swear, i don't know why i bother sometimes.
Vyv: I don't know why you bother ever.
puss
I agree some of them are noteworthy though usually I can be viper tongued but tend to miss out on these golden opportunities so yes a laminated version would be happy
Catz
guess the show - your father was a baboons rump and your mother spent most of her life up against walls with sailors!
Oh god, i know this one... sounds like Blackadder!!
I like the duct tape one. Practical and expressive.
Catz *tut tut tuts* Red Dwarf from the Rimmer episode
Stucco
So many uses from one little circle of sticky stuff Especially the black duct tape matches in for those master and servant moments LOL:O)
Puss
I must learn not to type my comments when I have a glass of wine late at night in my hand. Ill finish off the correct sentence. A laminated one would be a happy medium for a sometimes forgetful mare like me and a smart arsed git in confrontation.
There's nothing wrong with Black Adder, but some of Father Ted's put-downs to Dougal remain classics.
Dougal, how did you get into the church in the first place? Was it, like, 'collect 12 crisp packets and become a priest?'
Dammit, i've been put to shame.
Catz it was very easy to think it was an insult to baldrick so you have not entirely failed yourself
D
I love the quote in the rabbit episode where ted says to a samurai swinging tom 'tom when I said to take care of the rabbits I meant in the julie andrews way not the al pacino way'
These are fantastic. Here are a couple of my faves:
I'm sorry--did I gave you the impression that I actually cared?
Jesus and I love you (you need to pair this one with a goofy grin).
Crankster
Im guessing the second one is delivered with a gormless visage
Slag
That insult sounds very british ! Excellent
Crankster
Im guessing the second one is delivered with a gormless visage
Slag
That insult sounds very british ! Excellent
They were cute to read your comments, but the truth is as many times as I wished I would have had a comment, I am glad I never lowered myself to their level.
Your blog was fun to read.
Rachel
Hi & welcome. For most of the time Ive never really come across people that deliver anything nasty enough to warrant any nasty comeback. Those kind of people usually give me a wide birth anyway. But it was just a fun list of insults. Im glad you had a fun time reading them!
Rachel
That was an insult you just delivered and only an egomaniacal liar would deny such. The worst kind of insult too; peppered with the false sweetness of a stepford wife. But seeing as you delivered this comment anyway thus prooves you dont need to lower yourself sweetie you are already there and yes Ive just delivered you an insult but rather then sugar coating it,(as you did) its naked and raw and honest.
How does it feel to be corporately shallow and blissfully ignorant without even knowing it?
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