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! Cant impart too much information as I would have to kill you with my bare hands

Thursday, October 25, 2007

The way I want to go

I feel a bit of a fink being online for about oh all of 5 mins and not being able to communicate properly or devote as much time to blogging as I want to - its purely circumstantial - Suolas owns the pc and has to work from it , I on the otherhand have to learn new skills in cattle ranching as my girls get more boisterous and demanding (arent they supposed to get more independant as they grow older???) Anyway todays major oversight was being awarded 2 awards for blogging by the wonderfully rapier witted Pool. Id like to award the following ; For blogging that hits the mark,Région Frontière for Grenzgebiet, Flying Fox and Mister Pissed and for Im fabulous *Asterisk in a blog about nowt and Stucco for his Perverted tastes ( a man after my own heart!)

My major reason for being away this time is that it was My mothers 60th birthday - my mum looks very much a fox for her age, gifts included a selection of peacock feathers and swords, a very snazzy yet uber stlish petal cuff coat from marks and spencers and a pair of leopard skin killer stilletoes (trust me they are rather classy - I know leopard skin shoes are always a no no but these look like the where liberated from a burlesque dancer) Mac Make up and so forth - and thats for someone who's turned 60! Thats the way I want to go at that age!

So theres a bit of a meal tomorrow for all the ladies in my Mums life, family and friends. We are heading back to the thai restaurant where my sisters engagement party was held (3 tiny chinese guys playing fuck off sized guitars and singing 'do that to me one more time ' by captain and tenille). She also got some tickets to see a musical called 'menopause' which she has asked me to go to with her but I told her to ask her best friend on the basis that it may depress me for whats in store for me not so long down the road..

Anyway When coming home on the train from Chez Parents today I read this article in the scotsman

Stigmata' monk made a saint by John Paul is branded a fake
A MYSTICAL Italian monk made a saint by Pope John Paul II and who claimed to suffer the wounds of Christ was a fake who used carbolic acid, according to a controversial new book.

Padre Pio, who died in 1968 and was canonised in 2002, claimed to have first suffered the stigmata - holes in his hands and feet where nails pierced Christ at the crucifixion - when he was 24. He enjoyed a massive following, with thousands visiting him.

However, a book called Padre Pio and the Italy of the 19th Century, by historian Sergio Luzzatto says the wounds were self-created using carbolic acid and he claims to have found documentary evidence to prove it in the Vatican's secret archives.

A letter from pharmacist Maria de Vito, 28, who made a pilgrimage in 1919 to see Padre Pio at his monastery at San Giovanni Rotondo, near Foggia, and stayed for a month, said:

"The eve of my departure, Padre Pio called me to one side and, in great secrecy and asking me not to tell his fellow brothers, gave me personally an empty bottle he asked me to act as a chauffeur take it back from Foggia to San Giovanni Rotondo with four grams of pure carbolic acid.

"He explained that the acid was for disinfecting syringes for injections and he also asked for other medicines such as Valda tablets."

The letter said that a month later, a further request arrived from Padre Pio in which he asked for four grams of veratrine [painkiller] which was not available in her pharmacy, so she asked her cousin, who refused because he feared it was being used for faking his stigmata.

Now this guy is like the rock star saint in catholic Ireland the grannies and staunch spinsters LOVE THIS GUY, it will no doubt be like when Elvis died when word gets around this country!

Sunday, October 14, 2007

The Plague

Oh Hi ! Thought Id vacated the blogging world have you?? No such luck matey. What happened I hear you say well long story short- over the past month sometime in September I woke up to what I thought was a sharp breeze blowing on the calve of my right leg -it smacked of acute sensitivity and I took a look. There my expression collapsed into abject horror- grimacing and glaring back at me was in my minds eye another limb trying to grow out from aforesaid leg - and the reality was of equal horror, a golfball sized sack of strained skin which was filled with can only be akined to demon bile- the slightest brush of material would surely have detonated it - so the best plan of action would be a controlled explosion.

I dragged my leperous leg downstairs got some sterilised cotton wool, capsule of sterile water and sterile needle and lugged my way back upstairs blubbering to Suolas to lance ye black plague carrying vessel from my leg and Ohh did pain knock on my door when he did! My tortured cries where muffled by my pilllow biting and I went to the doctor quick smart to find out if some alien experiment had been botched when I was sleeping- he took a look gave me some 'kill a horse' antibiotics (lets not talk about the side effect of those beauties) and Im sill getting dressings every second day from the nurse even though its gone down 50% . It was so big of a wound (thats what they're calling it - makes me feel very heroic) it took most of the skin so Its not even an option to have the luxury of job hunting.

To further explain my absence Suolas was doing some serious work on the PC and since our broadband connection is downstairs I would have to wait for him to bring it downstairs and when he did I was like a bee in a jam jar with the kids. So HOPEFULLY my next post will not have too much of a gap to bridge.. Actually I wrote most of this when the girls where doing their arts and crafts today - With a coloring pencil and a scrap of recyled paper which kinda indicates how much I missed doing this. What Ive mainly being doing is mom stuff and watching with my ellivated leg Dr who, Torchwood , Heroes, Reaper and last but not least 'Jakers" Which is a kids show about a pig in Ireland but get a load of this; Mel Brooks does the voice of a Sheep in it - tremendous fun so it is!
Also in the aucturian world is Suolas and I celebrated 6 years together - longer than some vegas marriages Ill have you know but we are not about to get into our slippers and jammies during the day just yet. And something else that I overlooked is the important news that albino wannabe and full time buffoon - yes my mate Boris Johnson is running for the Job of London Mayor is incredibly worrying - if he does sell his soul to the devil for some magic beans and the post well all I can see is its going to be like car crash television you dont want to witness it but you'll look anyway...
Thanks to all you guys who have dropped me a line in concern of my absence - I have missed you all and promise I will be visiting your sites soon warning you all about large otters and the dangers of chocolate teapots